My eldest child is now 12 years old and I am still challenged at scheduling regular time off for myself. When talking to other Moms about this concept, that many of us do not practice regularly in our lives, I realized My Mom didn't get a break, take a day off, or go on a trip alone. So she couldn't teach me how essential this concept and tool of self-care is.
When I googled why moms need a break, an article Find Time for You: Even Super Mom Needs a Break popped up. "When we are stressed, overwhelmed, and tired, we have a shorter fuse. We become more irritable and it's more difficult to handle the challenge of being with children," says Rachelle Disbennet-Lee, a personal life coach in Aurora, Colorado. I would add our spouse would heartily agree!
When my first born was in her first year, her father was in medical school and I was a stay at home mother. We lived on the other side of the country from my family and a days drive away from his. I was not getting anytime off. I took care of an infant all by myself. I cleaned the house, did laundry, cooked and cleaned after every meal. I was mentally exhausted.
When I started to ask for an evening off, it was a long discussion. It was not immediately understood or valued. I would say it took us about a year to figure out how to get me a night off regularly. At the beginning, I would put the baby to sleep and then I could have a few hours off. I could go catch a movie alone or go to a bookstore, leaving the house anytime after 8 pm. With no more than a couple hours notice from when we agreed I could have the night off. So no time to arrange to meet a friend. This worked for years. Very last minute same day decisions for me to have a few hours off. I also invested in a hobby that I could do at home at night when the baby was asleep.
It seemed to be difficult to grasp that my work was in my home. That I never left work, in the way that a normal job allows you to do. You go HOME at 5 o'clock. You leave work behind and can relax. It was hard for me to relax in my home. There was always dishes to be done, dirty laundry and some housekeeping chore waiting. It was a challenge to relax when work was never finished. The hobby, I chose paper crafts with card making and scrap booking, helped me take my mind off the never ending pile of dirty dishes in the sink. It was a wonderful way to relax and be creative.
Eventually, I was able to schedule some breaks in advance. I would take an afternoon to drive into Detroit, and go visit the Detroit Institute of Art. I would coordinate a movie night with the girlfriends. A lunch date with a friend. And one thing he always supported was a trip to the gym! No argument there. Chuckles. When preschool started I was able to rest and relax more. I started counseling for the first time in my life.
Today with both girls in school, 7th and 2nd grade. I can schedule trips into the City for a day at the museum. Go catch a movie. Eat lunch at a nice restaurant. I am going to counseling again. (I've used it on and off in the last 8 years) I can catch an Al-Anon meeting. I am also a single Mom now so that adds to the complexity. I've had to balance college classes.
I have learned if I don't good care of myself, I can't care for my family to the best of my ability.
Challenge: if you don't already schedule a regular break for self care, schedule 3 hours off this week. Ask your spouse. And swap 3 hours with them, so they can take a break, too. If you want to go on a date with your spouse, swap with a friend or hire a baby sitter. If you don't have a list of babysitters, that is your challenge ask friends for names this week. And if you do already schedule regular breaks, maybe offer to a girlfriend who doesn't 3 hours to go get her nails done, a massage or just catch a movie.
Find Time for You:
http://family.go.com/parenting/pkg-back-to-school/article-717881-mom-needs-a-break-t/
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