Cranky elves & teaching children about Christ in Christmas

     Two things got me thinking about the Spirit of Christmas.  The first was yesterday I finally made it out to Barnes and Noble to pick up my new calendars.  When I arrived at the mall parking lot I had forgot how crowded the parking lots get during the gift buying season.  I made it into the store and through the line without any incident.  It was in the car leaving the parking lot that I ran into the Cranky Elf.  Chuckles. Yes, the traffic was bad.  As I was trying to turn out of my row I knew it was going to be tricky.  The first car passed me, the second car coming was leaving no room and so I decided to inch out and squeeze in.  When I pulled out she gave me the "what the hell do you think you are doing" gesture.  I smiled and waved back. 

     I have witnessed this ungenerous and negative behavior before during the gift buying season with packed parking lots, crowded stores and the longest lines ever.  And it makes me wonder what Christmas does to some people.  Are we so stressed out about buying our loved one tokens of our love for them that we forget why we are buying gifts?  To celebrate the Life and Teachings of Christ.

     I am sure I am preaching to the choir and you don't make these conflicting choices not to be kind and let some in your lane or grumble with stressed out customer service.  But maybe we can think about being extra kind and think of ways to balance out the Cranky Elves.

     Now the second thing that made me think about the Spirit of Christmas was a friend who said her 7 year old daughter was excited about Christmas and getting presents, but she had forgot that Jesus was the reason for Christmas.  I think many families have this issue.  Our world is decorated with snowflakes, Santa and snowmen.  But far and few between are the reminders we are celebrating the birth of Jesus.   

     Coming from a Baha'i family, growing up my family did not exchange gifts on Christmas.  I heard many people while I was growing up say "we don't celebrate Christmas."  As an adult and because of my love of the Life and Teachings of Jesus, I try to say instead, we don't exchange gifts.  Because I am happy to celebrate the birth of Jesus.  His birth was a long awaited event.  His life taught humankind spiritual practices that moved us forward in our human evolution.  His sermon on the mount always makes me wish everyone on earth could decide to attempt to follow his guidance, because the world would be heaven on earth if we did.

     When my first child was old enough to speak we had to discuss Christmas and Santa.  I bought a board book about the birth of Jesus, telling the story of the Angel coming to Mary to tell her she was with child.  The journey to Bethlehem on a donkey.  And giving birth in a stable!  The guiding star and the three wise men bearing gifts.  These gifts of love and adoration.  That's why I gave my daughters a gift from Santa each year.  To celebrate the birth of Jesus, to honor His life, His death and His teachings that inspire us to be the best we can be.

     Both girls were about kindergarten age when they asked if Santa was real.  I asked them if they wanted to know the truth.  They said yes.  It was a hard discovery to find out Santa was not what they believed him to be, a magical person sending gifts to all children on earth, but their mama.  

    This year I will  be giving them their Santa gifts early as they are with their father, step mother and sister on Christmas.  I had debated whether or not to continue my Santa tradition with them now that they get Christmas presents from their father and step mother and step family.  But the Santa gift is my tradition of celebrating the gifts Jesus gave to the world.  And I think I have to look for another book on the Birth of Jesus, it must have got lost in our move!

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.  Luke 2:13-14

At the end of your rope? Start climbing back up....

Dear friend,

     When you find yourself in hell, keep going....

     If you feel like you'd like life to be over, that you'd like a get out of jail free card, or an Advance to Go and collect $200 straight to heaven, you are living in hell or as Al-Anon and AA calls it, Insanity.  In my experience Insanity comes from having to live with people who are broken, who are deeply handicapped by the long term effects of the family disease of alcoholism and addiction, the spiritual ills our Beloved Faith says inflict humankind, and they live in denial that they are sick.

     In Al-Anon I have found that I have the right to build boundaries, to limit contact, to put down the rope of death by emotional tug of war.  I had to walk away from people I loved and cared for for most of my adult life.  I have had to let go of them and let God have them.  I cannot have them in my life because the way they treat me is toxic, poisonous and slowly kills my spirit.  Some people we cannot totally exile from our lives because we share blood or children, but there are ways to build safe and strong fences so they longer cause our life to be Insane.  

     The Creator and the whole immense Universe desires for you to be happy, healthy and sane!  As you leave insanity behind you, the tools to build serenity, peace and contentment come.  People, books and movies are some of the ways the Creator sends help.  Thank the heavens for cell phones and texting.  

     You have survived so much.  More than even I am aware of.  Yet your strength to be victorious over your hardships always astounds me.  You are a fighter.  You won't be knocked down, or knocked out.  You will go every round.  

     When the darkest nights come, find a safe place, give your self space and a break until the eye of the storm passes, as it always does.  Have Faith that the sun will shine on your heart again.  

     When I said the Long Obligatory Prayer on your behalf, my Grandma Ruby came to mind.  Only recently did I learn she too had a time in life when she was ready to leave this world.  In her 50's kind and loving friends came to her aid and helped her see her way out.  She found her Beloved and gave everyday to service.  She served humankind and the Creator so the world would be a healthier, happier and more sane world.  My life is her legacy.  Who knows what my path would have been without her courage to swim upstream towards a small Faith that almost no one knows about?  

     I believe the Creator sends us to walk through darkness because of our gift of strength. Once we figure a way out of hell, we help guide others out, too.  You will guide many.  You have held my hand during my times of pain and sorrow, of the darkest stretches of hell, that few are able to recognize and your validation of the Insanity in my life helped me see my way out.  I would not be where I am today without your strength, your refusal to buy into the BS of denial, and the model that we don't give up, we fight for justice and truth.  I live in peace today, not Insanity.  Yes, insanity still tries to come visit but I have a strong fence, close the gate and send it on its way!

     Keep your eyes open for the gifts and tools the Creator sends you.  If we aren't aware, we can totally miss them!

O My Servant!

Thou art even as a finely tempered sword concealed in the darkness of its sheath and it's value hidden from the artificer's knowledge.  Wherefore come forth from the sheath of self and desire that thy worth may be made resplendent and manifest unto all the world.

PS as I write the title to this, I am reminded of a story in the Priceless Pearl, Ruhiyyih Khanum shares a story of darkness, when she feels she is at the end of her rope and can't take the suffering anymore,  she realizes if she is at the end of her hope, she needs to pull herself back up.  If she can hit bottom, and overcome hardship.  Let's follow her lead.

A period of silence to honor grief, to mourn the loss.

     Grief is like the tide, it comes in and surrounds you then recedes. And later it returns again.  Losing my Step Dad was compounded with the additional stress of an injured, non-walking child and a child with emotional post trauma effects.  So life was quite overwhelming for a while there.  It took time for both girls to recover. As they recovered, grief could be processed more.  I had been in complete survival mode.  No emotions were being expressed.  Only after things settled down, did grief come.  

     It's odd how we take for granted someone's presence in our life. And when they are gone, you understand much, much more exactly how they contributed to your life.  After growing up very poor, Ernie has been our family's provider for 18 years.  We may have been adults but he helped us go to college, he helped feed our families when times were tough, he and Mom sent many gifts to the grandkids that made life joyful.  Birthdays were alway a time to look forward to because our parens were always so generous.

     Ernie and Mom also modeled to us what a happy and healthy marriage looks like.  A team effort.  Partners who support each other through joy and sorrow.  It has always amazed me to see how Ernie and Mom's personal strengths complemented each other.  Ernie's strengths matched Mom's weaknesses.  And Mom's strengths matched Ernie's.  

     One memory stands out for me.  The girls and I were refugees from Ann Arbor, Michigan in their home in Juneau, Alaska in the Fall of 2008.  I had to leave my home to ask for a separation from my husband because his anger was escalating and had crossed into physical violence.  It took 6 weeks working with the local Baha'i community and his family to get an agreement to separate.  One day my Mom reported that she and Ernie had had an argument.  So they had called while he was at work, said a prayer and discussed the issues and come to an agreement.  What no yelling? No cussing?  No silent treatment?  A respectful and peaceful way to settle a disagreement. It was a strong confirmation that my life had truly become unhealthy and now with Al-Anon in my life I call it that time of my life the Insanity.  I knew I couldn't live like that anymore. 

     We have many, many reasons to be grateful for Ernie's presence in our lives. His love, integrity and generosity will be a model for us for the rest of our lives.  His grandkids are all more secure and happy because he was a strong man.  Strong enough to love with praise and encouragement, not anger or aggression.  He was the man of the house who cherished and honored his wife and his daughters.  He was strong enough to let us be who we were and not criticize us.  He provided food for my girls when their father would not.  

     The loss is easier to bear. My heart does not ache every morning when he is not here to share my coffee.  I have been accepting that he is here with us in a different way. He is here protecting us and encouraging us in a different way.  The circle of life.  We were blessed to have Ernie for a father for 18 years. It does break my heart that we lost him so young. The kids will miss him as they grow up, study, and have their own families.  But I trust in the Creator. That the Divine plan is always perfect. 

     Challenge. Do a random act of kindness in honor of someone you love who is no longer with us.  Pass their gifts forward. Remember them and honor their presence in your life.

This picture is a memorial pole for Charles Lawrence of the Suquamish Tribe, his vision and hard work left a great legacy for his descendants, his Tribe and Indian Country.