How a Lady who Beheaded a General started my obsession with Museums....

Day 4: 

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

This is the painting that started it all. My passion for Museums. The image of Judith holding a sword and her handmaid holding the head of the conqueror of her People.  The story is that an army had surrounded her home. Her people were captured and could not get free.  So she disguised her self as a lady of the night and assassinates the General, freeing her People.

The idea that a woman could do what a whole People could not.  That is what captured my attention.  What would I do if I was in a similar situation?  If my people were being enslaved?  The story of Judith's courage to save her People inspired me.  

The light in this painting, how a candle illuminates her gown is gorgeous. I would stand there and gaze at this painting c.1623/1625 by Artemisia Gentileschi (Italian, 1593-1653).  It was around 2007-2009 when I was living close enough to the Detroit Institute of Art #diadetroit  to be a member. Approximately 386 years after it was painted, it was in a hall of the DIA were I could fall in love. 

I bought my first museum membership at DIA when I figured out by investing, I could afford to go as many times as I wanted. It was about a 45 minute drive from my home.  As I learned to schedule my time off duty as a stay at home mom, I could go explore the museum and eat a delicious lunch at the cafeteria.  

This passion of Art and Museums led me to buy memberships sat the Anchorage museum and the Seattle Art museum. In Anchorage I could stop by anytime. After school drop off, before school pick up, or brining the girls with me.  I could visit for half an hour and get a quick re-charge. My favorite pieces are a huge painting of Denali and a carving by James Schoppert. 

The Seattle Art Museum takes a little more effort to get to. I have to schedule about 6 hours to catch a ferry, visit the museum and get home.  I have seen Aboriginal paintings that touched my soul, European paintings that teach about class/classism and new money, Japanese fashion, Miro's art that speaks up against tyranny, Haida by Robert Davidison that took my breath away and taught me about "once we were silenced", Pop Art that made me laugh, was tutored by Mark Tobey and his crew in Modernism and Mysticism, and been inspired by African masks through Disguise.

Art has been my source of light. It makes me so happy. It heals the pain I have endured. My home became a cage that I could not escape. This painting gave me courage to find a way out. To take back my life. To build a home that is a home of peace, built on consideration and respect, not anger and manipulation. To protect my daughters as best as I can.  I am a warrior. A spiritual warrior. And I build world peace every day. One heart at a time.  One day at a time. 

Why I Left and who helped me leave

Day 3

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

It was 7 years ago this month that I experienced my first physical violence from an intimate partner. Also called domestic violence. Family violence. 

My world as I knew it shattered in that moment. I knew the instant it happened that a line had been crossed. I also felt that I had been unconsciously avoiding this very moment for a really long time. 

That night I left the house and spent the night at my sisters. A couple days later I called the local Women's hotline. My family sent me home to my parents 3,000 miles away.  I negotiated a separation. 

I think this is the chapter I want to focus on today. How I realized I was living with domestic violence and how I was able to leave an unsafe home. I could not do it without the support of my family. 

It was my sister who suggested I call the domestic violence hotline. I can remember sitting in my car on my cell phone telling a woman what had happened. She said, "I'm sorry to tell you this, but this is domestic violence."  And as we talked she explained that the years of emotional and verbal abuse were parts of the cycle of domestic violence, too.  

With the help of my family, I started a journey of building a safe home for myself and for my daughters. The 6 weeks of separation being a continent apart, turned into a separation of two years. We lived in separate homes.  We did marriage counseling.  We had a Baha'i Year of Waiting, when you ask for a divorce you spend a year working on reconciliation.  He still could make my life hell in other ways, like not financially supporting us.  But at least while he was playing Death by Tug of War, I had a safe place to retreat to.  We eventually got a divorce in September 2010. 

Having a safe place to go, like my parents home, made it possible for me to leave a relationship of domestic violence. 

I have witnessed a family take in a friend and her four children when she was experiencing physical violence from her husband. It took her a month to find and rent a home. So we watched the 9 people share a single family home. It was a beautiful model of generosity and grace. 

I also watched another friend ask her husband to leave the house, and let him back in, and to leave the house again, over and over again for 2 years. Until she was finally ready to say no more. Both women needed a support circle who understood their struggles with domestic violence and who encouraged them to leave. And supported them in actions to make the safe decision.  

The only way we are going to heal the cycles of abuse is to break the silence of keeping secrets. And helping our friends leave unsafe homes.