One small Blessing of the Canoes Ceremony, One huge step towards healing historical trauma for humankind.

     Yesterday was such a beautiful and deeply meaningful day for me.  This was my second year to witness the Waking the Canoes and Blessing Ceremony in Suquamish.  I am 40 years old, and when I was growing up in Seattle, Tacoma, and Juneau there were no Canoes.  It has only been the last 20 years that the Canoe Culture has been revived, through an annual caravan of Tribal Canoes called the Journey.  

      2011 I was able to go to the Swinomish Nation when they hosted, seeing 70 Canoes landing was one of the most amazing experiences of my life.  2013 Paddle to Quinault was even more visually stunning because they estimate 12,000 mostly Native people on the beach for Welcoming the Canoes.  It was a bit mind tripping to see a tall ship with its historical and iconic white sails on the horizon.  Lady Washington was present to honor the shared history of the Indigenous people and the settlers, and to work towards reconciliation.

      To know why yesterday is so important not just for the Suquamish Nation, but all of Indian Country, the United States and the world as a whole, you have to understand what happened to Indian Country since the settlers arrived.  Our homelands have been taken, our people killed in conscious acts of genocide, our children stolen and mandated to assimilation schools "kill the Indian, save the man",  our ancient ways of subsistence were taken through the theft of fishing rights and the complete obliteration of a Buffalo population, and not the least our religion was demonized and our language and cultural sacred practices made to be illegal.  

     Most people only know Indians through media, living with poverty and addiction.  Last year the New York Times focused on the inability of some Tribes to protect their children, continuing the denial of the consequences of Genocide, Oppression and the theft of our children for generations by the United States of America and the accountability thereof.  

     So when standing beneath the protection of the House of Awakened Culture, a Longhouse built like its predecessor Old Man House burnt down in 1870 by the government, and blessing the Canoes it is a testimony to the strength of a people.  We are still here.  We are reviving our sacred traditions that help build healthy communities.  1792 is when George Vancouver, a British explorer came into Suquamish waters.  Over 200 years has seen the complete destruction of an Ancient and Sacred way of life and today we are still in the process of recovery.  This ceremony is a symbol of the revival of the Tribes from one coast of turtle island to the other.  We are all healing.  

     To see families work in unity and coordinate the blessing of the Canoes, to return to storage the damaged canoes, and putting every other Canoe in the water all while the kids help and the stroller is pushed down the boat ramp, is a blessed, blessed event. We acknowledged our connection to the Creator, to our Ancestors, the hard road we were forced to walk and that this action is of vital importance to all people. When one People heals from historic trauma, when one People steps forward toward Peace and Prosperity, the whole world heals from historic trauma, the whole world steps forward toward Peace and Prosperity.  

     I was sharing with a European descendant friend of mine recently about my understanding of our relationship with the Ancestors.  I told him, I never went to class to learn about being Indian, everything I know is by doing and watching.  By going to pow wows, ceremonies, the sweat lodge, memorials, I heard our beliefs over and over and I SAW them in ACTION, we are always attempting to match our actions with our Sacred Words.  

     As a Baha'i I have recently gained a deeper understanding of the Teachings of Baha'u'llah.  His teachings all revolve around one goal, the Unification of Humankind, the evolution of a global civilization that honors Unity and Diversity.   The principles of the elimination of racism, upholding the equality of women and men, the elimination of extreme wealth and poverty, universal education are all tools to build a healthy and happy world community.  Every People has a Sovereignty bestowed upon them from the Creator, a right to govern ourselves on our Ancestral Homeland, the right to a dignified economy, the right to live in peace and the right to be free from control and oppression by any other group of people.  No one has the right to tell us how to worship the Creator, how to teach our children or how to reflect our beliefs in our everyday lives. And we have the right to govern ourselves.  

     So on this first day of the Baha'i New Year, I raise my hands to the Creator for sending me and my precious children to Suquamish, to the Suquamish people for opening their hearts and their homeland to us, and I beseech the Ancestors to supplicate to the Creator to protect us through the storms that teach us and make us stronger, to send us joy when it's time to celebrate all we have accomplished!!  

    

I vote with every dollar. So I am boycotting Hollywood without People of Color. For a year, I will not rent, purchase or go to the theater to see a movie without a person of color in a lead or supporting role.

I've decided I am boycotting Hollywood for a year.  I will not rent, purchase or go to a theater to see a movie unless there is at least one person of color in a lead or supporting role.

I was so angry when I found out The Butler did not get a single Oscar nomination.  When I googled to see what others were saying, I found out Fruitvale Station is another African American story that was denied recognition from the Academy.  I personally believe 42 is one of the best movies I have EVER seen, if not the BEST.  It too was denied any Oscar recognition in 2013.

So as the movie Food INC. taught me, I vote with every dollar I spend. (I now vote to buy as much organic food as possible within my budget).  So I am using the same principle here.  I will no longer support with my hard earned money the Hollywood producers who make films without any diversity!  I am so tired of watching movie after movie with ONLY European descendants.  There is no excuse in 2014 for any movie not to have at least a supporting role with someone of African, Asian, Hispanic or Native American descent. 

In the extras of Love Actually produced by an amazingly talented group from England, they tell how an African descendant criticized them for de-coloring Knotting Hill in the movie Knotting Hill obviously this neighborhood naturally has diversity, but when they shot the film they "forgot" the people of color, making it look mono-ethnic, when in reality it is NOT.  When they produced Love Actually, they gave their critic a cameo role.  If you know the movie, this historically bad deejay in the wedding reception is him.

So what will my small boycott of Hollywood without people of color do?  Well, I know it will make me feel better.  And if by some chance any of you will join me and spread the word, maybe someone will hear us and decide to make movies that actually represent the rich cultural diversity of our amazing country, built on the. Homeland of the Indigenous and immigrants from every culture and country on planet Earth.

Al-Anon, a Path from Insanity to Serenity,

      I was living in Insanity and I didn't know it until I walked into my first Al-Anon meeting   2 1/2 years ago.  The Insanity came from attempting to co-parent post-divorce my daughters, ages 9 & 4, with their father.  There was little communication.  What communication there was, it was unhealthy.  There was no cooperation.  There was no sharing the responsibility of the children.  I was at the end of my rope, it was truly driving me crazy.

     Listening to the Twelve Steps for the first time was my first step towards Serenity and a life of peace.  Step Two - came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.  I knew something was wrong, but no one could tell me what it was... I'd been to a handful of counselors, starting in Ann Arbor and continuing in Anchorage.  But no one had identified my life as insane nor could they point me in the direction to Sanity.

    For the first year through separation I'd had the girls 100% of the time except for a few day visits each month.  During the dissolution we increased to two over nights a month.  And a year later when it was time for the the little one to start kindergarten and I could return to college, we increased to 6 nights a month, which still left me at 80%.  When the kids were sick and I needed to go to class, he declined to watch them.  Which was particularly painful and maddening, when I spent eight years of my life watching our children, so he could become a doctor!  Chuckles.  Thankfully my best friend's husband worked from home and he generously watched the girls so I could go to class.  This is the nicer of the hard situations to share.  

   The secret I learned in Al-Anon is changing your focus from the other person(s) and bring your focus to your own self.  Serenity came to me when I stopped expecting him to be a present father in their lives, to help me take care of their needs.  When I stopped asking him, and starting asking my family and friends for the support my girls needed, peace came.  It's been a slow process.  It took time.  I still struggle with it occasionally 2 1/2 years later.  But overall I live a life without Insanity.  I live in peace.  I have serenity in my life, most of the time.  And when Insanity shows up, I know what to do, use my tools Al-Anon has given me and go to a Meeting.

     Al-Anon is for Families and Friends of Alcoholics.  You may not even know the alcoholic in your life.  It could be your grandparent, great-grandparent or come from your spouse's side of the family.  But coping with the Insanity that alcoholism and addiction causes in a family produces unhealthy family dynamics.  For me, it's my grandfathers and great-grandfathers.  I've only known one.  But the damage of their alcoholism and abandonment of their children shaped my parents, who then shaped me.  In Al-Anon meetings I have heard people share about their own addictions, the addictions of their spouses, their parents, and now their teenage and adult children.  Al-Anon literature gives you wisdom collected over decades by people just like you and me.  Al-Anon Family groups (meetings) give you a place to safely share your struggles and gives you a place to be supported by people who know exactly how you feel.

     As we just passed the holidays, many of us had to deal with unhealthy family dynamics.  Or maybe a family medical crisis brought out the worst coping mechanisms in people.  Anniversaries of loss had us trudging through The Blues.  Stress can trigger emotional disasters in a family. I always like to encourage attendance at a local Al-Anon meeting (find a local meeting on google).  If that seems a bit too much for you, call into a meeting (alanonphonemeetings.org), you are automatically muted and can just listen if you'd like. And if that is too much, buy the book Codependence and the Power of Detachment, how to set boundaries and make life your own, by Karen Casey.  It's on iBooks.  It's the book that brought me to Al-Anon.  It shares stories of how people live with alcoholics and build Serenity in their life.  

    If you have a relationship that is difficult, spouse, ex-spouse, sibling, parent, teenage/adult child or friend, Al-Anon could be the place to find the tools to navigate that relationship and help you build Serenity in your life.

     

Cranky elves & teaching children about Christ in Christmas

     Two things got me thinking about the Spirit of Christmas.  The first was yesterday I finally made it out to Barnes and Noble to pick up my new calendars.  When I arrived at the mall parking lot I had forgot how crowded the parking lots get during the gift buying season.  I made it into the store and through the line without any incident.  It was in the car leaving the parking lot that I ran into the Cranky Elf.  Chuckles. Yes, the traffic was bad.  As I was trying to turn out of my row I knew it was going to be tricky.  The first car passed me, the second car coming was leaving no room and so I decided to inch out and squeeze in.  When I pulled out she gave me the "what the hell do you think you are doing" gesture.  I smiled and waved back. 

     I have witnessed this ungenerous and negative behavior before during the gift buying season with packed parking lots, crowded stores and the longest lines ever.  And it makes me wonder what Christmas does to some people.  Are we so stressed out about buying our loved one tokens of our love for them that we forget why we are buying gifts?  To celebrate the Life and Teachings of Christ.

     I am sure I am preaching to the choir and you don't make these conflicting choices not to be kind and let some in your lane or grumble with stressed out customer service.  But maybe we can think about being extra kind and think of ways to balance out the Cranky Elves.

     Now the second thing that made me think about the Spirit of Christmas was a friend who said her 7 year old daughter was excited about Christmas and getting presents, but she had forgot that Jesus was the reason for Christmas.  I think many families have this issue.  Our world is decorated with snowflakes, Santa and snowmen.  But far and few between are the reminders we are celebrating the birth of Jesus.   

     Coming from a Baha'i family, growing up my family did not exchange gifts on Christmas.  I heard many people while I was growing up say "we don't celebrate Christmas."  As an adult and because of my love of the Life and Teachings of Jesus, I try to say instead, we don't exchange gifts.  Because I am happy to celebrate the birth of Jesus.  His birth was a long awaited event.  His life taught humankind spiritual practices that moved us forward in our human evolution.  His sermon on the mount always makes me wish everyone on earth could decide to attempt to follow his guidance, because the world would be heaven on earth if we did.

     When my first child was old enough to speak we had to discuss Christmas and Santa.  I bought a board book about the birth of Jesus, telling the story of the Angel coming to Mary to tell her she was with child.  The journey to Bethlehem on a donkey.  And giving birth in a stable!  The guiding star and the three wise men bearing gifts.  These gifts of love and adoration.  That's why I gave my daughters a gift from Santa each year.  To celebrate the birth of Jesus, to honor His life, His death and His teachings that inspire us to be the best we can be.

     Both girls were about kindergarten age when they asked if Santa was real.  I asked them if they wanted to know the truth.  They said yes.  It was a hard discovery to find out Santa was not what they believed him to be, a magical person sending gifts to all children on earth, but their mama.  

    This year I will  be giving them their Santa gifts early as they are with their father, step mother and sister on Christmas.  I had debated whether or not to continue my Santa tradition with them now that they get Christmas presents from their father and step mother and step family.  But the Santa gift is my tradition of celebrating the gifts Jesus gave to the world.  And I think I have to look for another book on the Birth of Jesus, it must have got lost in our move!

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.  Luke 2:13-14

At the end of your rope? Start climbing back up....

Dear friend,

     When you find yourself in hell, keep going....

     If you feel like you'd like life to be over, that you'd like a get out of jail free card, or an Advance to Go and collect $200 straight to heaven, you are living in hell or as Al-Anon and AA calls it, Insanity.  In my experience Insanity comes from having to live with people who are broken, who are deeply handicapped by the long term effects of the family disease of alcoholism and addiction, the spiritual ills our Beloved Faith says inflict humankind, and they live in denial that they are sick.

     In Al-Anon I have found that I have the right to build boundaries, to limit contact, to put down the rope of death by emotional tug of war.  I had to walk away from people I loved and cared for for most of my adult life.  I have had to let go of them and let God have them.  I cannot have them in my life because the way they treat me is toxic, poisonous and slowly kills my spirit.  Some people we cannot totally exile from our lives because we share blood or children, but there are ways to build safe and strong fences so they longer cause our life to be Insane.  

     The Creator and the whole immense Universe desires for you to be happy, healthy and sane!  As you leave insanity behind you, the tools to build serenity, peace and contentment come.  People, books and movies are some of the ways the Creator sends help.  Thank the heavens for cell phones and texting.  

     You have survived so much.  More than even I am aware of.  Yet your strength to be victorious over your hardships always astounds me.  You are a fighter.  You won't be knocked down, or knocked out.  You will go every round.  

     When the darkest nights come, find a safe place, give your self space and a break until the eye of the storm passes, as it always does.  Have Faith that the sun will shine on your heart again.  

     When I said the Long Obligatory Prayer on your behalf, my Grandma Ruby came to mind.  Only recently did I learn she too had a time in life when she was ready to leave this world.  In her 50's kind and loving friends came to her aid and helped her see her way out.  She found her Beloved and gave everyday to service.  She served humankind and the Creator so the world would be a healthier, happier and more sane world.  My life is her legacy.  Who knows what my path would have been without her courage to swim upstream towards a small Faith that almost no one knows about?  

     I believe the Creator sends us to walk through darkness because of our gift of strength. Once we figure a way out of hell, we help guide others out, too.  You will guide many.  You have held my hand during my times of pain and sorrow, of the darkest stretches of hell, that few are able to recognize and your validation of the Insanity in my life helped me see my way out.  I would not be where I am today without your strength, your refusal to buy into the BS of denial, and the model that we don't give up, we fight for justice and truth.  I live in peace today, not Insanity.  Yes, insanity still tries to come visit but I have a strong fence, close the gate and send it on its way!

     Keep your eyes open for the gifts and tools the Creator sends you.  If we aren't aware, we can totally miss them!

O My Servant!

Thou art even as a finely tempered sword concealed in the darkness of its sheath and it's value hidden from the artificer's knowledge.  Wherefore come forth from the sheath of self and desire that thy worth may be made resplendent and manifest unto all the world.

PS as I write the title to this, I am reminded of a story in the Priceless Pearl, Ruhiyyih Khanum shares a story of darkness, when she feels she is at the end of her rope and can't take the suffering anymore,  she realizes if she is at the end of her hope, she needs to pull herself back up.  If she can hit bottom, and overcome hardship.  Let's follow her lead.

A period of silence to honor grief, to mourn the loss.

     Grief is like the tide, it comes in and surrounds you then recedes. And later it returns again.  Losing my Step Dad was compounded with the additional stress of an injured, non-walking child and a child with emotional post trauma effects.  So life was quite overwhelming for a while there.  It took time for both girls to recover. As they recovered, grief could be processed more.  I had been in complete survival mode.  No emotions were being expressed.  Only after things settled down, did grief come.  

     It's odd how we take for granted someone's presence in our life. And when they are gone, you understand much, much more exactly how they contributed to your life.  After growing up very poor, Ernie has been our family's provider for 18 years.  We may have been adults but he helped us go to college, he helped feed our families when times were tough, he and Mom sent many gifts to the grandkids that made life joyful.  Birthdays were alway a time to look forward to because our parens were always so generous.

     Ernie and Mom also modeled to us what a happy and healthy marriage looks like.  A team effort.  Partners who support each other through joy and sorrow.  It has always amazed me to see how Ernie and Mom's personal strengths complemented each other.  Ernie's strengths matched Mom's weaknesses.  And Mom's strengths matched Ernie's.  

     One memory stands out for me.  The girls and I were refugees from Ann Arbor, Michigan in their home in Juneau, Alaska in the Fall of 2008.  I had to leave my home to ask for a separation from my husband because his anger was escalating and had crossed into physical violence.  It took 6 weeks working with the local Baha'i community and his family to get an agreement to separate.  One day my Mom reported that she and Ernie had had an argument.  So they had called while he was at work, said a prayer and discussed the issues and come to an agreement.  What no yelling? No cussing?  No silent treatment?  A respectful and peaceful way to settle a disagreement. It was a strong confirmation that my life had truly become unhealthy and now with Al-Anon in my life I call it that time of my life the Insanity.  I knew I couldn't live like that anymore. 

     We have many, many reasons to be grateful for Ernie's presence in our lives. His love, integrity and generosity will be a model for us for the rest of our lives.  His grandkids are all more secure and happy because he was a strong man.  Strong enough to love with praise and encouragement, not anger or aggression.  He was the man of the house who cherished and honored his wife and his daughters.  He was strong enough to let us be who we were and not criticize us.  He provided food for my girls when their father would not.  

     The loss is easier to bear. My heart does not ache every morning when he is not here to share my coffee.  I have been accepting that he is here with us in a different way. He is here protecting us and encouraging us in a different way.  The circle of life.  We were blessed to have Ernie for a father for 18 years. It does break my heart that we lost him so young. The kids will miss him as they grow up, study, and have their own families.  But I trust in the Creator. That the Divine plan is always perfect. 

     Challenge. Do a random act of kindness in honor of someone you love who is no longer with us.  Pass their gifts forward. Remember them and honor their presence in your life.

This picture is a memorial pole for Charles Lawrence of the Suquamish Tribe, his vision and hard work left a great legacy for his descendants, his Tribe and Indian Country.

Al-Anon, how it works for families and friends of Alcoholics

    I found Al-Anon phone meetings about a year ago.  In December it will be a year.  I had moved to Washington that June.  I was still settling in. (How long do you think it takes after a major move?).  I was ready to look for more support.  I was very lucky that the Suquamish Tribe's Wellness Center provides mental health services for other Tribal members.  I made appointments for myself and for my girls.  And I looked for a local Al-Anon meeting.   I also remembered hearing about phone meetings in my Anchorage Al-Anon meeting.

I found the list on the Alaska Al-Anon website.

     When you call in you are automatically muted and it tells you how many people are online.  It usually starts with the  reading of the 12 Steps and has a theme. There can be a reading from some Al-Anon literature. ( there are amazing books! ) Then members are invited to share.  You are usually asked to time yourself for 3 minutes.  This is where the treasure is, listening to others share about what challenges they are living with and how they apply the principles of Al-Anon into their lives every day.  And you don't have to say anything.  You can only listen if you want to.  Some groups have 40 or members online.  So many, many people just listen.

     To un-mute you press *1.  There is usually an introduction at the beginning.  I say - I'm Leigh Anne and I'm from Washington state.  I found a meeting that normally has 10 people or less. I liked the smallness of the group. And soon they announced they would need a chair for the month of January.  I had never chaired on the phone. But I was up for the challenge.  There is a format online, so really I just read a script and then ask for people to volunteer by reading the Step of the month (12 steps for 12 months is pretty darn cool), read from any Al-Anon literature and then I help facilitate sharing.  

     I have made this phone group my home meeting.  There is one about 20 minutes away at lunch time on Fridays, but the phone meeting seems to be more accessible to my schedule.  This meeting's focus is on the 12 Steps, Traditions and Concepts.  There are 12 of each. So each meeting we focus one.  I have learned more about Al-Anon and how it functions through this foundation of the structure of the organization.  There are local meetings, district and regional organization, National and International.  The last International Conference was in Vancouver, Canada this last summer.  

     If you ever are in need of some serenity, call into a meeting.  Just listening to other people sharing about their struggles and how they cope is an amazing tool for building peace in your life.  I was gifted a book from my Anchorage meeting, How Al-Anon Works for Families and Friends of Alcoholics.  Reading this book taught me a lot about myself and how the family disease of alcoholism is still present in my life, although I don't drink, neither do my parents.  My grandfathers were alcoholic.  And I believe there was alcoholism present in my daughters father's family.

     My favorite is Step Two - came to believe a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.  One it helped me recognize that yes my life before Al-Anon was truly insane.  I knew there was something wrong, but I just never knew exactly what.  And two, that it is the Creator who has the power to restore us.  I have to use my relationship with my Higher Power to lead me out of Insanity and back to Sanity.  The family disease of alcoholism and addiction and it's symptoms can be very handicapping.  But there is a way to heal.  A way to build tools that build peace and serenity into our life.

     My favorite Slogan is Let Go and Let God.  I like to think of my life as my side of the fence.  And other people have their lives on their side of the fence.  I can only control what is on my side of the fence.  I have to Let Go and Let God take care of the other people.  If someone behaves in a manner that I don't agree with, especially if it is directed at me or my children, I think of it as someone throwing their trash on my side of the fence.  How I react to it is within my control.  Many times I have to just ignore it.  And other times the trash is big enough it needs to addressed.  

     I also teach this lesson to my girls.  We can only change what is on our side of the fence.  And it's important to recognize someone's trash on our side of the fence.  MANY times the people throwing the trash try to tell you it's YOUR trash, when in fact it is not.  Chuckles.  I also help them to see when someone's words don't match their actions.  It can be confusing when someone tells you they believe one thing, but then their actions say the complete opposite.

Challenge:  if you think Al-Anon may help you, call into a meeting this week.  There are meetings everyday.  If you think a friend or family member needs Al-Anon share these links with them.  Even if they don't have an active drinker in their lives now, if a parent or grandparent or great grandparent suffered from addiction, those unhealthy coping mechanisms are still present in their life.  

http://www.al-anon-ak.org/

http://www.alanonphonemeetings.org/