When you find yourself in hell, keep going....
If you feel like you'd like life to be over, that you'd like a get out of jail free card, or an Advance to Go and collect $200 straight to heaven, you are living in hell or as Al-Anon and AA calls it, Insanity. In my experience Insanity comes from having to live with people who are broken, who are deeply handicapped by the long term effects of the family disease of alcoholism and addiction, the spiritual ills our Beloved Faith says inflict humankind, and they live in denial that they are sick.
In Al-Anon I have found that I have the right to build boundaries, to limit contact, to put down the rope of death by emotional tug of war. I had to walk away from people I loved and cared for for most of my adult life. I have had to let go of them and let God have them. I cannot have them in my life because the way they treat me is toxic, poisonous and slowly kills my spirit. Some people we cannot totally exile from our lives because we share blood or children, but there are ways to build safe and strong fences so they longer cause our life to be Insane.
The Creator and the whole immense Universe desires for you to be happy, healthy and sane! As you leave insanity behind you, the tools to build serenity, peace and contentment come. People, books and movies are some of the ways the Creator sends help. Thank the heavens for cell phones and texting.
You have survived so much. More than even I am aware of. Yet your strength to be victorious over your hardships always astounds me. You are a fighter. You won't be knocked down, or knocked out. You will go every round.
When the darkest nights come, find a safe place, give your self space and a break until the eye of the storm passes, as it always does. Have Faith that the sun will shine on your heart again.
When I said the Long Obligatory Prayer on your behalf, my Grandma Ruby came to mind. Only recently did I learn she too had a time in life when she was ready to leave this world. In her 50's kind and loving friends came to her aid and helped her see her way out. She found her Beloved and gave everyday to service. She served humankind and the Creator so the world would be a healthier, happier and more sane world. My life is her legacy. Who knows what my path would have been without her courage to swim upstream towards a small Faith that almost no one knows about?
I believe the Creator sends us to walk through darkness because of our gift of strength. Once we figure a way out of hell, we help guide others out, too. You will guide many. You have held my hand during my times of pain and sorrow, of the darkest stretches of hell, that few are able to recognize and your validation of the Insanity in my life helped me see my way out. I would not be where I am today without your strength, your refusal to buy into the BS of denial, and the model that we don't give up, we fight for justice and truth. I live in peace today, not Insanity. Yes, insanity still tries to come visit but I have a strong fence, close the gate and send it on its way!
Keep your eyes open for the gifts and tools the Creator sends you. If we aren't aware, we can totally miss them!
O My Servant!
Thou art even as a finely tempered sword concealed in the darkness of its sheath and it's value hidden from the artificer's knowledge. Wherefore come forth from the sheath of self and desire that thy worth may be made resplendent and manifest unto all the world.
PS as I write the title to this, I am reminded of a story in the Priceless Pearl, Ruhiyyih Khanum shares a story of darkness, when she feels she is at the end of her rope and can't take the suffering anymore, she realizes if she is at the end of her hope, she needs to pull herself back up. If she can hit bottom, and overcome hardship. Let's follow her lead.
