Al-Anon, a Path from Insanity to Serenity,

      I was living in Insanity and I didn't know it until I walked into my first Al-Anon meeting   2 1/2 years ago.  The Insanity came from attempting to co-parent post-divorce my daughters, ages 9 & 4, with their father.  There was little communication.  What communication there was, it was unhealthy.  There was no cooperation.  There was no sharing the responsibility of the children.  I was at the end of my rope, it was truly driving me crazy.

     Listening to the Twelve Steps for the first time was my first step towards Serenity and a life of peace.  Step Two - came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.  I knew something was wrong, but no one could tell me what it was... I'd been to a handful of counselors, starting in Ann Arbor and continuing in Anchorage.  But no one had identified my life as insane nor could they point me in the direction to Sanity.

    For the first year through separation I'd had the girls 100% of the time except for a few day visits each month.  During the dissolution we increased to two over nights a month.  And a year later when it was time for the the little one to start kindergarten and I could return to college, we increased to 6 nights a month, which still left me at 80%.  When the kids were sick and I needed to go to class, he declined to watch them.  Which was particularly painful and maddening, when I spent eight years of my life watching our children, so he could become a doctor!  Chuckles.  Thankfully my best friend's husband worked from home and he generously watched the girls so I could go to class.  This is the nicer of the hard situations to share.  

   The secret I learned in Al-Anon is changing your focus from the other person(s) and bring your focus to your own self.  Serenity came to me when I stopped expecting him to be a present father in their lives, to help me take care of their needs.  When I stopped asking him, and starting asking my family and friends for the support my girls needed, peace came.  It's been a slow process.  It took time.  I still struggle with it occasionally 2 1/2 years later.  But overall I live a life without Insanity.  I live in peace.  I have serenity in my life, most of the time.  And when Insanity shows up, I know what to do, use my tools Al-Anon has given me and go to a Meeting.

     Al-Anon is for Families and Friends of Alcoholics.  You may not even know the alcoholic in your life.  It could be your grandparent, great-grandparent or come from your spouse's side of the family.  But coping with the Insanity that alcoholism and addiction causes in a family produces unhealthy family dynamics.  For me, it's my grandfathers and great-grandfathers.  I've only known one.  But the damage of their alcoholism and abandonment of their children shaped my parents, who then shaped me.  In Al-Anon meetings I have heard people share about their own addictions, the addictions of their spouses, their parents, and now their teenage and adult children.  Al-Anon literature gives you wisdom collected over decades by people just like you and me.  Al-Anon Family groups (meetings) give you a place to safely share your struggles and gives you a place to be supported by people who know exactly how you feel.

     As we just passed the holidays, many of us had to deal with unhealthy family dynamics.  Or maybe a family medical crisis brought out the worst coping mechanisms in people.  Anniversaries of loss had us trudging through The Blues.  Stress can trigger emotional disasters in a family. I always like to encourage attendance at a local Al-Anon meeting (find a local meeting on google).  If that seems a bit too much for you, call into a meeting (alanonphonemeetings.org), you are automatically muted and can just listen if you'd like. And if that is too much, buy the book Codependence and the Power of Detachment, how to set boundaries and make life your own, by Karen Casey.  It's on iBooks.  It's the book that brought me to Al-Anon.  It shares stories of how people live with alcoholics and build Serenity in their life.  

    If you have a relationship that is difficult, spouse, ex-spouse, sibling, parent, teenage/adult child or friend, Al-Anon could be the place to find the tools to navigate that relationship and help you build Serenity in your life.

     

Cranky elves & teaching children about Christ in Christmas

     Two things got me thinking about the Spirit of Christmas.  The first was yesterday I finally made it out to Barnes and Noble to pick up my new calendars.  When I arrived at the mall parking lot I had forgot how crowded the parking lots get during the gift buying season.  I made it into the store and through the line without any incident.  It was in the car leaving the parking lot that I ran into the Cranky Elf.  Chuckles. Yes, the traffic was bad.  As I was trying to turn out of my row I knew it was going to be tricky.  The first car passed me, the second car coming was leaving no room and so I decided to inch out and squeeze in.  When I pulled out she gave me the "what the hell do you think you are doing" gesture.  I smiled and waved back. 

     I have witnessed this ungenerous and negative behavior before during the gift buying season with packed parking lots, crowded stores and the longest lines ever.  And it makes me wonder what Christmas does to some people.  Are we so stressed out about buying our loved one tokens of our love for them that we forget why we are buying gifts?  To celebrate the Life and Teachings of Christ.

     I am sure I am preaching to the choir and you don't make these conflicting choices not to be kind and let some in your lane or grumble with stressed out customer service.  But maybe we can think about being extra kind and think of ways to balance out the Cranky Elves.

     Now the second thing that made me think about the Spirit of Christmas was a friend who said her 7 year old daughter was excited about Christmas and getting presents, but she had forgot that Jesus was the reason for Christmas.  I think many families have this issue.  Our world is decorated with snowflakes, Santa and snowmen.  But far and few between are the reminders we are celebrating the birth of Jesus.   

     Coming from a Baha'i family, growing up my family did not exchange gifts on Christmas.  I heard many people while I was growing up say "we don't celebrate Christmas."  As an adult and because of my love of the Life and Teachings of Jesus, I try to say instead, we don't exchange gifts.  Because I am happy to celebrate the birth of Jesus.  His birth was a long awaited event.  His life taught humankind spiritual practices that moved us forward in our human evolution.  His sermon on the mount always makes me wish everyone on earth could decide to attempt to follow his guidance, because the world would be heaven on earth if we did.

     When my first child was old enough to speak we had to discuss Christmas and Santa.  I bought a board book about the birth of Jesus, telling the story of the Angel coming to Mary to tell her she was with child.  The journey to Bethlehem on a donkey.  And giving birth in a stable!  The guiding star and the three wise men bearing gifts.  These gifts of love and adoration.  That's why I gave my daughters a gift from Santa each year.  To celebrate the birth of Jesus, to honor His life, His death and His teachings that inspire us to be the best we can be.

     Both girls were about kindergarten age when they asked if Santa was real.  I asked them if they wanted to know the truth.  They said yes.  It was a hard discovery to find out Santa was not what they believed him to be, a magical person sending gifts to all children on earth, but their mama.  

    This year I will  be giving them their Santa gifts early as they are with their father, step mother and sister on Christmas.  I had debated whether or not to continue my Santa tradition with them now that they get Christmas presents from their father and step mother and step family.  But the Santa gift is my tradition of celebrating the gifts Jesus gave to the world.  And I think I have to look for another book on the Birth of Jesus, it must have got lost in our move!

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.  Luke 2:13-14

At the end of your rope? Start climbing back up....

Dear friend,

     When you find yourself in hell, keep going....

     If you feel like you'd like life to be over, that you'd like a get out of jail free card, or an Advance to Go and collect $200 straight to heaven, you are living in hell or as Al-Anon and AA calls it, Insanity.  In my experience Insanity comes from having to live with people who are broken, who are deeply handicapped by the long term effects of the family disease of alcoholism and addiction, the spiritual ills our Beloved Faith says inflict humankind, and they live in denial that they are sick.

     In Al-Anon I have found that I have the right to build boundaries, to limit contact, to put down the rope of death by emotional tug of war.  I had to walk away from people I loved and cared for for most of my adult life.  I have had to let go of them and let God have them.  I cannot have them in my life because the way they treat me is toxic, poisonous and slowly kills my spirit.  Some people we cannot totally exile from our lives because we share blood or children, but there are ways to build safe and strong fences so they longer cause our life to be Insane.  

     The Creator and the whole immense Universe desires for you to be happy, healthy and sane!  As you leave insanity behind you, the tools to build serenity, peace and contentment come.  People, books and movies are some of the ways the Creator sends help.  Thank the heavens for cell phones and texting.  

     You have survived so much.  More than even I am aware of.  Yet your strength to be victorious over your hardships always astounds me.  You are a fighter.  You won't be knocked down, or knocked out.  You will go every round.  

     When the darkest nights come, find a safe place, give your self space and a break until the eye of the storm passes, as it always does.  Have Faith that the sun will shine on your heart again.  

     When I said the Long Obligatory Prayer on your behalf, my Grandma Ruby came to mind.  Only recently did I learn she too had a time in life when she was ready to leave this world.  In her 50's kind and loving friends came to her aid and helped her see her way out.  She found her Beloved and gave everyday to service.  She served humankind and the Creator so the world would be a healthier, happier and more sane world.  My life is her legacy.  Who knows what my path would have been without her courage to swim upstream towards a small Faith that almost no one knows about?  

     I believe the Creator sends us to walk through darkness because of our gift of strength. Once we figure a way out of hell, we help guide others out, too.  You will guide many.  You have held my hand during my times of pain and sorrow, of the darkest stretches of hell, that few are able to recognize and your validation of the Insanity in my life helped me see my way out.  I would not be where I am today without your strength, your refusal to buy into the BS of denial, and the model that we don't give up, we fight for justice and truth.  I live in peace today, not Insanity.  Yes, insanity still tries to come visit but I have a strong fence, close the gate and send it on its way!

     Keep your eyes open for the gifts and tools the Creator sends you.  If we aren't aware, we can totally miss them!

O My Servant!

Thou art even as a finely tempered sword concealed in the darkness of its sheath and it's value hidden from the artificer's knowledge.  Wherefore come forth from the sheath of self and desire that thy worth may be made resplendent and manifest unto all the world.

PS as I write the title to this, I am reminded of a story in the Priceless Pearl, Ruhiyyih Khanum shares a story of darkness, when she feels she is at the end of her rope and can't take the suffering anymore,  she realizes if she is at the end of her hope, she needs to pull herself back up.  If she can hit bottom, and overcome hardship.  Let's follow her lead.

A period of silence to honor grief, to mourn the loss.

     Grief is like the tide, it comes in and surrounds you then recedes. And later it returns again.  Losing my Step Dad was compounded with the additional stress of an injured, non-walking child and a child with emotional post trauma effects.  So life was quite overwhelming for a while there.  It took time for both girls to recover. As they recovered, grief could be processed more.  I had been in complete survival mode.  No emotions were being expressed.  Only after things settled down, did grief come.  

     It's odd how we take for granted someone's presence in our life. And when they are gone, you understand much, much more exactly how they contributed to your life.  After growing up very poor, Ernie has been our family's provider for 18 years.  We may have been adults but he helped us go to college, he helped feed our families when times were tough, he and Mom sent many gifts to the grandkids that made life joyful.  Birthdays were alway a time to look forward to because our parens were always so generous.

     Ernie and Mom also modeled to us what a happy and healthy marriage looks like.  A team effort.  Partners who support each other through joy and sorrow.  It has always amazed me to see how Ernie and Mom's personal strengths complemented each other.  Ernie's strengths matched Mom's weaknesses.  And Mom's strengths matched Ernie's.  

     One memory stands out for me.  The girls and I were refugees from Ann Arbor, Michigan in their home in Juneau, Alaska in the Fall of 2008.  I had to leave my home to ask for a separation from my husband because his anger was escalating and had crossed into physical violence.  It took 6 weeks working with the local Baha'i community and his family to get an agreement to separate.  One day my Mom reported that she and Ernie had had an argument.  So they had called while he was at work, said a prayer and discussed the issues and come to an agreement.  What no yelling? No cussing?  No silent treatment?  A respectful and peaceful way to settle a disagreement. It was a strong confirmation that my life had truly become unhealthy and now with Al-Anon in my life I call it that time of my life the Insanity.  I knew I couldn't live like that anymore. 

     We have many, many reasons to be grateful for Ernie's presence in our lives. His love, integrity and generosity will be a model for us for the rest of our lives.  His grandkids are all more secure and happy because he was a strong man.  Strong enough to love with praise and encouragement, not anger or aggression.  He was the man of the house who cherished and honored his wife and his daughters.  He was strong enough to let us be who we were and not criticize us.  He provided food for my girls when their father would not.  

     The loss is easier to bear. My heart does not ache every morning when he is not here to share my coffee.  I have been accepting that he is here with us in a different way. He is here protecting us and encouraging us in a different way.  The circle of life.  We were blessed to have Ernie for a father for 18 years. It does break my heart that we lost him so young. The kids will miss him as they grow up, study, and have their own families.  But I trust in the Creator. That the Divine plan is always perfect. 

     Challenge. Do a random act of kindness in honor of someone you love who is no longer with us.  Pass their gifts forward. Remember them and honor their presence in your life.

This picture is a memorial pole for Charles Lawrence of the Suquamish Tribe, his vision and hard work left a great legacy for his descendants, his Tribe and Indian Country.

Al-Anon, how it works for families and friends of Alcoholics

    I found Al-Anon phone meetings about a year ago.  In December it will be a year.  I had moved to Washington that June.  I was still settling in. (How long do you think it takes after a major move?).  I was ready to look for more support.  I was very lucky that the Suquamish Tribe's Wellness Center provides mental health services for other Tribal members.  I made appointments for myself and for my girls.  And I looked for a local Al-Anon meeting.   I also remembered hearing about phone meetings in my Anchorage Al-Anon meeting.

I found the list on the Alaska Al-Anon website.

     When you call in you are automatically muted and it tells you how many people are online.  It usually starts with the  reading of the 12 Steps and has a theme. There can be a reading from some Al-Anon literature. ( there are amazing books! ) Then members are invited to share.  You are usually asked to time yourself for 3 minutes.  This is where the treasure is, listening to others share about what challenges they are living with and how they apply the principles of Al-Anon into their lives every day.  And you don't have to say anything.  You can only listen if you want to.  Some groups have 40 or members online.  So many, many people just listen.

     To un-mute you press *1.  There is usually an introduction at the beginning.  I say - I'm Leigh Anne and I'm from Washington state.  I found a meeting that normally has 10 people or less. I liked the smallness of the group. And soon they announced they would need a chair for the month of January.  I had never chaired on the phone. But I was up for the challenge.  There is a format online, so really I just read a script and then ask for people to volunteer by reading the Step of the month (12 steps for 12 months is pretty darn cool), read from any Al-Anon literature and then I help facilitate sharing.  

     I have made this phone group my home meeting.  There is one about 20 minutes away at lunch time on Fridays, but the phone meeting seems to be more accessible to my schedule.  This meeting's focus is on the 12 Steps, Traditions and Concepts.  There are 12 of each. So each meeting we focus one.  I have learned more about Al-Anon and how it functions through this foundation of the structure of the organization.  There are local meetings, district and regional organization, National and International.  The last International Conference was in Vancouver, Canada this last summer.  

     If you ever are in need of some serenity, call into a meeting.  Just listening to other people sharing about their struggles and how they cope is an amazing tool for building peace in your life.  I was gifted a book from my Anchorage meeting, How Al-Anon Works for Families and Friends of Alcoholics.  Reading this book taught me a lot about myself and how the family disease of alcoholism is still present in my life, although I don't drink, neither do my parents.  My grandfathers were alcoholic.  And I believe there was alcoholism present in my daughters father's family.

     My favorite is Step Two - came to believe a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.  One it helped me recognize that yes my life before Al-Anon was truly insane.  I knew there was something wrong, but I just never knew exactly what.  And two, that it is the Creator who has the power to restore us.  I have to use my relationship with my Higher Power to lead me out of Insanity and back to Sanity.  The family disease of alcoholism and addiction and it's symptoms can be very handicapping.  But there is a way to heal.  A way to build tools that build peace and serenity into our life.

     My favorite Slogan is Let Go and Let God.  I like to think of my life as my side of the fence.  And other people have their lives on their side of the fence.  I can only control what is on my side of the fence.  I have to Let Go and Let God take care of the other people.  If someone behaves in a manner that I don't agree with, especially if it is directed at me or my children, I think of it as someone throwing their trash on my side of the fence.  How I react to it is within my control.  Many times I have to just ignore it.  And other times the trash is big enough it needs to addressed.  

     I also teach this lesson to my girls.  We can only change what is on our side of the fence.  And it's important to recognize someone's trash on our side of the fence.  MANY times the people throwing the trash try to tell you it's YOUR trash, when in fact it is not.  Chuckles.  I also help them to see when someone's words don't match their actions.  It can be confusing when someone tells you they believe one thing, but then their actions say the complete opposite.

Challenge:  if you think Al-Anon may help you, call into a meeting this week.  There are meetings everyday.  If you think a friend or family member needs Al-Anon share these links with them.  Even if they don't have an active drinker in their lives now, if a parent or grandparent or great grandparent suffered from addiction, those unhealthy coping mechanisms are still present in their life.  

http://www.al-anon-ak.org/

http://www.alanonphonemeetings.org/

A Foggy Day at Bainbridge Art Museum

     Museum cafes are all a little upscale.  Detroit Institute of Art, Art Gallery of Ontario, Anchorage Museum at Rasmuson Center, Seattle Art Museum. I think artists are foodies. Or maybe art  connoisseurs are foodies. Or both. But all of these museums have the best food. Today at my first visit to Bainbridge Art Museum, I had a lentil kale soup with a seasonal salad with beets and some soft goat cheeses. It's all beautifully plated. And I enjoyed sitting in a pretty cafe with flowers on the table and art on the walls. 

     I use food and art as two of my favorite Jumpstart My Heart activities.  Today about noon I realized I had about 3 hours free until the girls returned from school and we would begin a 5 day weekend because of school conferences.  When I weighed lounging in the house and watching TV or heading out, heading out seemed to feel stronger.  Then came the question, where to?  I have a list of things that I love to do, that I look at when I have time but I'm kind of lost.  My go-to is good food and art.  Bainbridge Art Museum opened this summer and its bistro just this month.  It's about a 20 minute drive.  So that got my vote and I was off!

     After a delicious and relaxing soup and salad, and, of course, a coffee, followed by a quick Instagram post, I was off to explore.  I checked in at the Admissions desk, free thanks to generous donors and members.  I shared it was my first visit and the very friendly lady gave me a quick once over. Two floors and a pamphlet about the current exhibits.  I always like to start at the gift shop.  I usually pick up some postcards of art on exhibit and then look for those specific pieces, but there weren't any.  I found some local artist cards that were unique. So I bought 11.  Yes, 11.  Paper crafts are my love and my weakness.  Melisa Lunt, at www.speakyourmindgreetings.com.  One I couldn't pass up had a hand drawn ferry with two balloons with Wishing you a ferry happy birthday.  Chuckles.   Another with a crab holding a flower with Please forgive me.  

     The gift shop assistant was friendly, too.  She shared the November calendar and told me about an author book signing on November 16. And the author is a featured artist.  I happened to walk through his exhibit first. A picture of a small girl with brown hair and light brown skin tones feeding birds. Exquisite. The girl could be either of my girls. Richard Jesse Watson!!  Wow. I was an instant fan. As I walked through his whimsical art, it was all captivating.  In the first few paintings with children, the children were a rainbow so shades. Something that means a lot to me.  I decided I was buying a book for the girls and we were coming back during the 5 day weekend.

     When visiting a new museum, I like to walk through the whole museum and then come back to my favorites. Well, today was a short window, so I only had time to walk through quickly.  Always challenged to take some pictures I looked for interesting pieces that meant something to me.  I loved Daniel Minter's Facing Homeward.  A dark skinned older man looks out a window. Art featuring people of color always touches me deeply.  We are over exposed to a Hollywood version of European dominated culture of America. So rare are people of color they are all precious to me.  

     A tall vase has a premium spot framed by seriously floor to ceiling windows, two story windows.  Oops forgot to get the name of the artist, but really it was the architecture I was trying to capture.  Next a wooden stair case framed with glass.  The tall vase again from a view above.  And a picture of the intersection that leads to the ferry that takes me to Seattle.  

     The gallery featuring Gayle Bard is full to the brim.  Mostly I take notice that this lady loves clouds.  I am passionate about clouds.  Alaska has fantastic clouds.  So does Suquamish Territory.  When I was in some of my darkest times living in Alaska, a single mother far from any family support, I could look up at the sky and find beauty and calm in the clouds.  I could reset my gauges from red to green in just a few moments.  Mother Nature's power restoring me to peace and contentment, no matter how much insanity seemed to surround me.

The one picture that captured me was an odd one. A painting of a dark window.  Very plain and very dark compared to the soul stirring images of nature dwarfed by magnificent clouds.  Prayer for Kurdistan is the title. And a mystery to be solved!  

     My last photos were of two masks, obviously Northern Alaskan. I come from Southeast Alaska so our art looks different.  Such strong and bold lines. Full of so much spirit. Our way of life tied so directly to our relationship with Mother Nature and all her creatures.  Larry Ulaaq Ahvakana, when googled and found on Etsy says "I am Inupiaq/Northern Western/Alaskan Inuit (Eskimo) from Barrow, AK. My Inupiaq names are Ulaaq and Sveetcharuq. For over 40 years I've used stone, wood, glass, bronze, ivory, & paper to create my work The images are inspired by my ancestors, those around me and the environment."  He is listed as living in Suquamish.  

     I was happy to end my day with a Native artist. Someone whose Ancestors have lived in these parts for thousands of years.  Oral traditions in my Tlingit and in the Suquamish tell of raiding canoes coming from far north in Alaska, some capturing women.  My brother-in-law says he captured a Tlingit (& Tsimshian Filipina).  Our Ancestors have lived on these shores from time immemorial. From before Western cultures keep record.  We are still here. And someday we will have justice and we will be healthy and whole again.  We will be prosperous again.  It just takes time to recover from colonialism and all it's atrocities, including the present day denial of the post-traumatic symptoms.      

     Today I feel blessed to be where I am on my journey called life.  I am blessed to have been born at this particular stage of our human evolution.  We are becoming aware that we are One People.  We all, well the majority of us, want peace and prosperity. And it is the insane few who hunger for wealth and power who keep us all imprisoned.  But someday soon, we the 99% will awaken from a slumber, maybe a self protecting coma, and realize we outnumber them and we want peace.

     How does peace and prosperity fit in with a visit to the Art Museum?  Because art stirs the soul, and makes me desire a truly beautiful life full of peace and prosperity for all...

     Challenge: Visit a Museum near you!  And treat yourself to lunch.

Being A Student When You Are A Parent

     A dear friend of mine is studying in a library far  north in Alaska writing a paper that is due tomorrow.  She was sick this week and her husband was out of town traveling.  Texting her, I said  that all mothers should get an automatic extra credit and a grade on a curve.  Have you studied when you were single or pre-parenthood and post parenthood?  It's a whole other ball game. 

     I remember studying before parenthood cramming late at night and even having the occasion all-nighter.  Studying with children as a single mother is quite a different experience.  First if the kids were sick, you had to find help to watch them just to go to class.  Then you had to use every time management skill you ever acquired to care for the kids when they needed you and squeeze in all your reading and writing and projects in between. And still find time to cook dinner and sleep every night.  All-nighters don't work any more.

     We don't need excuses like our dog ate my homework, we have our kids threw up all night, we have all been sick for the last two weeks, my babysitter couldn't make it.  One friend's Dad died and she was asked to bring in proof.  Another professor friend said she had to ask students for proof of a death in the family, because students took advantage.  I was disappointed to hear that young students felt the need to lie when they made poor choices and missed a deadline.  Then the rest of us with the reality of losing a family member has to prove it.  

     Two years ago I went back to school after being a stay at home mom for 10 years.  I had recently divorced after supporting my spouse through 8 years of medical school and residency.  My youngest daughter was in kindergarten which left me with time for school.  It was amazing in many ways.  I have a social personality. So I enjoyed being with adults in an academic setting and learning about Psychology in an Active Learning environment.  My teachers were open-minded and well experienced.  I also felt they understood that life and education is bigger than the classroom.  

     My favorite parts of going back to college were being able to study some of my passions like addiction and recovery in the Native community.  And a favorite lesson was the personality type test we took in the spirituality and religion course.  I learned about my personality type ENFP.  And how it interacts with other personality types.  It was very interesting going to class with a majority of students who were almost 20 years younger than me.  I was 37.

     The hardest part for me was going to school and not having the support of the girls' father.  It was particularly confusing as  8 years of my life were spent caring for our children as he became a doctor.  But once it was my turn to return to college there was no acknowledgement of  his debt to re-pay me in other things besides money and no gratitude for the 8 years of worry-free studying he had.  He never missed a class because our daughter was sick.  He never missed a class because our daughter had a school event.  He never missed a class or a day of residency because his children needed him.  One day I called him and asked him to watch our sick children while I went to class. And he said he was too tired.  He had just drove 6 hours to visit his girlfriend.  I learned not to call him when the girls were sick and I needed help.   I was grateful my best friend's husband worked from home and he watched the girls for me when I went to class that day.

     I learned a lot in that year going back to school. I was lucky my Mom came up to help me for a 6 week course and ended up staying a few more months during my next semester.  The girls and I would never have survived that semester without her help.  I learned that teachers can appreciate when students are parents, that kids get sick, that extensions may help.  And I also learned all my life experience is a plus in returning to school, especially when studying Psychology.  

     So if you are a parent and you are in school don't be too hard on yourself.  Don't compare yourself to classmates who don't have children or spouses to support and care for.  And if you are a teacher please be compassionate with students who have families.