I remember studying before parenthood cramming late at night and even having the occasion all-nighter. Studying with children as a single mother is quite a different experience. First if the kids were sick, you had to find help to watch them just to go to class. Then you had to use every time management skill you ever acquired to care for the kids when they needed you and squeeze in all your reading and writing and projects in between. And still find time to cook dinner and sleep every night. All-nighters don't work any more.
We don't need excuses like our dog ate my homework, we have our kids threw up all night, we have all been sick for the last two weeks, my babysitter couldn't make it. One friend's Dad died and she was asked to bring in proof. Another professor friend said she had to ask students for proof of a death in the family, because students took advantage. I was disappointed to hear that young students felt the need to lie when they made poor choices and missed a deadline. Then the rest of us with the reality of losing a family member has to prove it.
Two years ago I went back to school after being a stay at home mom for 10 years. I had recently divorced after supporting my spouse through 8 years of medical school and residency. My youngest daughter was in kindergarten which left me with time for school. It was amazing in many ways. I have a social personality. So I enjoyed being with adults in an academic setting and learning about Psychology in an Active Learning environment. My teachers were open-minded and well experienced. I also felt they understood that life and education is bigger than the classroom.
My favorite parts of going back to college were being able to study some of my passions like addiction and recovery in the Native community. And a favorite lesson was the personality type test we took in the spirituality and religion course. I learned about my personality type ENFP. And how it interacts with other personality types. It was very interesting going to class with a majority of students who were almost 20 years younger than me. I was 37.
The hardest part for me was going to school and not having the support of the girls' father. It was particularly confusing as 8 years of my life were spent caring for our children as he became a doctor. But once it was my turn to return to college there was no acknowledgement of his debt to re-pay me in other things besides money and no gratitude for the 8 years of worry-free studying he had. He never missed a class because our daughter was sick. He never missed a class because our daughter had a school event. He never missed a class or a day of residency because his children needed him. One day I called him and asked him to watch our sick children while I went to class. And he said he was too tired. He had just drove 6 hours to visit his girlfriend. I learned not to call him when the girls were sick and I needed help. I was grateful my best friend's husband worked from home and he watched the girls for me when I went to class that day.
I learned a lot in that year going back to school. I was lucky my Mom came up to help me for a 6 week course and ended up staying a few more months during my next semester. The girls and I would never have survived that semester without her help. I learned that teachers can appreciate when students are parents, that kids get sick, that extensions may help. And I also learned all my life experience is a plus in returning to school, especially when studying Psychology.
So if you are a parent and you are in school don't be too hard on yourself. Don't compare yourself to classmates who don't have children or spouses to support and care for. And if you are a teacher please be compassionate with students who have families.
