So my first test understanding that my Religious Community is separate from the Divine Teacher who Founded our Religion took place when I was about 18. I was working with a group of youth and I received a phone call from an irate parent, lashing out about something that I had done "against" their child. I'd known this family for a few years. We saw each other often and they were always kind and courteous. The experience of angry criticism really hurt deeply. I was confused why some one was so angry and why they would speak to me in such a disrespectful way. I thought why am I bothering to volunteer my time working with youth, if parents are going to treat me like this?
As I wondered how community members who uphold consultation and unity could act this way, I seriously thought why am I a member of this religion? As I pondered these thoughts I was inspired that I love Baha'u'llah. I love His teachings, that are all about building an ever-advancing civilization. That through the elimination of prejudice and racism, through the elimination of extreme wealth and poverty, by having education available to all children and other principles we could walk towards Peace.
That was the day I feel I became a Baha'i. I went from a child raised to a firm believer. I understood that we humans are human. We have short comings. And we have unhealthy coping mechanisms. We may believe in these principles but we are still learning how to live them. And we will continue to fail, we will make mistakes. Our learning has no reflection on the Power of the Teachings of Baha'u'llah nor does it make Him any less. I believe He has given us gifts and tools that will teach us to build Peace. I believe this is the way forward. Our short comings do not affect the destiny of our Religion.
My second lesson in this began in 2008 in Ann Arbor, Michigan when I recognized I was living with Domestic Violence in my marriage. I was lucky to have known about the United States Baha'i community's handbook on Domestic Violence. It gave me a deep understanding that we do not condone family violence and even non-criminal aspects are violations of Baha'i standards of conduct. Yet I found no one in my community familiar with the guidelines or able to apply the knowledge into our current difficult situation.
Each Baha'i community that has 9 adults members elects a Local Spiritual Assembly every Spring to guide it's affairs. They are described to be channels of God's grace and mercy for each community. How heart breaking it was for me, when I realized that my community was too ignorant of current understandings of Domestic Violence to take any supportive action. Here was the community I was raised in, that taught me the equality of women and men, but we have no systems for supporting women and children who live in unsafe homes.
This was also the case when we moved to Anchorage, Alaska. We were separated and moving forward with a divorce. And Alaska's community didn't even have a handbook on Domestic Violence. I went to the Local Spiritual Assembly for help because my husband wasn't adequately supporting us. I didn't have enough money to feed my children, and the LSA suggested we go to a financial advisor. It was a difficult time of not driving more than we absolutely had to because I could not afford gas. And we ate grilled cheese and tuna sandwiches while he earned a doctors salary. 8 months later my husband increased my monthly budget by $1200 a month as suggested by a financial advisor.
I received no supportive actions to assist me during a long period of financial difficulty and emotional and verbal abuse which continued the patterns of power and control. Again there was no mercy or grace from these channels. I stopped asking for assistance from the Local Spiritual Assembly. I found help through friends. One Baha'i friend dropped off jarred salmon, bread and juice when I mentioned I didn't have enough money to feed my girls. Some friends had offered money but I was too uncomfortable to take it. Now I know when some is hungry, just bring food. No one can refuse it.
Why was I a Baha'i?
This question continues to be asked as I look around the Alaska community and see the absence of the generation of youth who I spent my young adult life with. When I returned to Alaska after 8 years in Michigan in 2009, the absence of my generation of youth and the Alaska Natives was like a neon sign that one one else could see. I bumped into young mothers in the grocery store, but never saw them at the Baha'i Center. There were almost no Native Bahai's participating. No one could tell me what happened.
In the 5 years since I moved back to Anchorage in 2009 and have now moved to Washington, it is now my belief that the extreme denial of the challenges our youth face in upholding our high spiritual values in a world with none is the cause of this absence. Our inability to accept that our youth will walk an Independent Investigation of Truth, that they will test these values in action and how we support them during and after has robbed us of a whole generation. We are too strict in our judgement. We exclude those we feel have failed. We do not practice compassion or empathy. We do not inquire after our friends and their children.
That was my biggest concern this next generation of children. The children of Abdu'l-Baha who have been excluded from our community because we are too scared of mistakes. We are too ashamed of challenges. We have no systems for accepting the path of Individual Investigation of Truth.
As for the absence of Native Baha'i friends I believe it is an inability to have empathy for the hardships that we bear living with the consequences of historical trauma: poverty, addiction, violence. How do we help support our Baha'i families healing from racism, poverty and addiction? Native Baha'is who have been participating in the Faith for decades are now absent. I believe because there is an inability to listen to their concerns and be empathetic to the struggles our families survive with daily.
I am a Baha'i. I love Baha'u'llah and every day I choose how to apply His Teachings into my life. I also go out of my way to support those who feel excluded from the Baha'i community.
I have taken back my religion. No one can take my love for Baha'u'llah's teachings. My favorite quote from a Baha'i scholar is "Mistakes are an inseparable aspect of learning." I challenge the Baha'i friends of Alaska to ask what mistakes have we made that has created an absence of a generation of Baha'is and excluded our Native friends? And what actions can we take to heal from this mistake.
Study the Sacred Writings. Plan. Act. Reflect.
"The shining spark of truth cometh forth only after the clash of differing opinions."
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