NO ABUSE OF ANY KIND, WHETHER EMOTIONAL, MENTAL OR PHYSICAL
The stress laid in the statements of Bahá'u'lláh and Άbdu'l-Bahá on love and harmony as the hallmark of marriage, and in view of Άbdu'l-Bahá's exhortation that each member of the family must uphold the rights of the others, makes it clear that violence in the family is contrary to the spirit of the Faith and a practice to be condemned. It is clear that no husband should subject his wife to abuse of any kind, whether emotional, mental or physical. Such a reprehensible action would be the very antithesis of the relationship of mutual respect and equality enjoined by the Bahá'í writings — a relationship governed by the principles of consultation and devoid of the use of any form of abuse, including force, to compel obedience to one’s will.
Letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice, dated April 12, 1990, to a National Spiritual Assembly, in The Local Spiritual Assembly Handbook, 3rd ed., pp. 260-261
I find it fascinating that the Universal House of Justice (the supreme International Administrative body elected by Baha'is worldwide every 5 years) lists abuse as emotional, mental or physical. I had never thought about separating the emotional from the mental abuse. It made me pause. What is the difference between them? Emotions are how you FEEL. And mental is what you THINK. How does one abuse your emotions and your thinking processes? In this same passage the UHJ also says says any form of abuse, including force, to compel obedience to one's will. So for me this means a person's actions that affect how you FEEL and what you THINK to get you to do what THEY WANT.
Non-physical abuse is hard to recognize if you are not familiar or have not been trained or taken time to study current research. Because the "weapons" abusers use are the same actions we all use in anger, losing our temper and when arguments heighten. It's my belief many people shy away from identifying emotional and mental abuse in others because they are familiar with the behaviors themselves. But the difference between "normal" use of yelling, raising our voice, occasionally using a swear word, giving someone the silent treatment, etc.. and a relationship of abuse is the cycles and patterns of those behaviors that create an abusive environment.
If you have a healthy relationship, these occasional expressions of anger can be expressed without changing the power structure of a relationship. Power structure may seem to be a big concept. But really it means do both partners have equal decision making power over time? Of course, there are times when a couple can't find agreement and in another passage from the Universal House of Justice, the wife and husband are advised to take turns deferring to each other.
In an unhealthy relationship, the power structure is unbalanced when one partner dominates, in extreme cases this domination creates tyranny in a marriage. (Tyranny: cruel and unfair treatment by people with power over others 3 : a rigorous condition imposed by some outside agency or force 4 : an oppressive, harsh, or unjust act : a tyrannical act). In the book Advancement of Women by Janet and Peter Khan, Baha'i scholars, share that "while the cause of marital breakdown can be many, one common cause is domination of the wife by the husband "(p.115).
It does not take physical abuse to create an unbalanced power structure in a marriage. A pattern of using emotional and mental manipulation can create a relationship with unbalanced decision making power with one partner dominating the other. It's any actions that compel the other partner to do what THEY WANT over and over again. It can be verbal, emotional, financial, neglect, damaging property, harassment, isolation, using threats, blaming and minimizing their abusive actions.
The photo is from Why Does He Do That? Inside the minds of Angry and Controlling Men p.55
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