Recovering from the Abuse of Power and Control in Our Intimate Relationships. How to support a friend.

As I was falling asleep last night I got a call, she was in tears.  As she was telling me about the events that had caused her so much distress, I could reflect back to her the signs of abuse, emotional and mental abuse.  As I have studied domestic violence over the last six years, I have learned how to recognize the spectrum of control that men use to get what they want (mostly it's men who abuse this power in intimate relationships, but not only).  While you are still in the relationship, they can use everything from using words as weapons, to manipulating those around you, to threatening force, all can be done without ever physically touching you.  Once you leave the relationship it seems all their energy is directed towards just making sure your life is miserable.  Full of constant conflict, sucking all your energy, so it's difficult to rebuild a new life without them.

It's really important for our community to be able to recognize the signs of power and control that are the vehicle for domestic violence in our families. We have been taught that hitting women is wrong, but there are many other ways to manipulate a person that doesn't include actually hitting them.  These manipulations change the dynamics of power in an intimate relationship. When the individual who uses force to compel obedience, the other partner quickly loses the freedom to make choices without suffering consequences and learns what is allowed in the relationship without risking a consequence of abusive behavior.

In the book Why Does He Do That, Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men, Lundy Bancroft illustrates how one incidence of anger can totally corrupt the power dynamics of a family without ever touching anyone.  

“There is also a third level, which is rarely mentioned in discussions of abuse but which is actually one of the most important dynamics: the benefits that an abuser gets that make his behavior desirable to him. In what ways is abusiveness rewarding? How does this destructive pattern get reinforced?

Consider the following scenario: Mom, Dad, and their children are having dinner on a Wednesday night. Dad is snappy and irritable, criticizing everybody during the meal, spreading his tension around like electricity. When he finishes eating, he leaves the table abruptly and heads out of the room. His ten-year-old daughter says, “Dad, where are you going? Wednesday is your night to wash the dishes.” Upon hearing these words, Dad bursts into flames, screaming, “You upstart little shit, don’t you dare try to tell me what to do! You’ll be wearing a dish on your face!” He grabs a plate off the table, makes like he is going to throw it at her, and then turns away and smashes it on the floor. He knocks a chair over with his hand and storms out of the room. Mom and the children are left trembling; the daughter bursts into tears. Dad reappears in the doorway and yells that she’d better shut up, so she chokes off her tears, which causes her to shake even more violently. Without touching a soul, Dad has sent painful shock waves through the entire family.

We move ahead now to the following Wednesday. Dinner passes fairly normally, without the previous week’s tension, but Dad still strolls out of the kitchen when he finishes eating. Does a family member remind him that it’s his turn to wash the dishes? Of course not. It will be many, many months before anyone makes that mistake again. They quietly attend to the cleanup, or they squabble among themselves about who should do it, taking out their frustrations over Dad’s unfairness and volatility on each other. Dad’s scary behavior has created a context in which he won’t have to do the dishes anytime he doesn’t feel like it, and no one will dare take him to task for it.

Any incident of abusive behavior brings the abuser benefits just as this one did. Over time, the man grows attached to his ballooning collection of comforts and privileges.”

Excerpt From: Bancroft, Lundy. “Why Does He Do That?.” Penguin, 2002. iBooks. 

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Check out this book on the iBooks Store: https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewBook?id=361930292

Learning to recognize behaviors that make one partner dominate the other is really important to helping a friend survive an unhealthy relationship. Helping her (or him) see through the manipulation, to see how their partner's words may be in contrast to their actions and to consider leaving.  A friend reminded me it usually takes a woman 7 times before she can finally leave an unhealthy relationship. 7 times!  So when you see a friend going back and forth, just know it's proven and studied. It's they way a person leaves abuse.  Slowly.... 

Be supportive of them. Keep encouraging that they deserve to live in a home where peace is a priority and where they are respected and treated well.  A marriage should be a fortress of well-being.  It should nurture both partners and the children.  If it is a source of constant conflict and harm, the choice to leave should be considered. Counseling should be used. And if in the end, a true change in the dynamics of power can't be created, ending the relationship is actually the best thing you can do.

I'm sharing two of my favorite passages from the Baha'i Faith about abuse in our marriages.  These were bright lights for me when I was stuck in the deep dark depths of the abuse of power and control and because I wasn't being hit, it couldn't see it for domestic violence.  Looking back now, I can see I always submitted to his will. He never had to use physical force to get what he wanted. That was until the end.  Or what became the end.  I knew how dangerous it was when there was physical violence. It only escalates, it doesn't get better.  I wish I had known how to recognize all the abuse that is emotional and mental and very damaging. I would have left sooner. So now I try to share what I have learned, tell my story and help friends choose peace. We will never build world peace if we can't create peace in our homes. Building peace, one heart at a time.  

"The stress laid in the statements of Bahá'u'lláh and Άbdu'l-Bahá on love and harmony as the hallmark of marriage, and in view of Άbdu'l-Bahá's exhortation that each member of the family must uphold the rights of the others, makes it clear that violence in the family is contrary to the spirit of the Faith and a practice to be condemned. It is clear that no husband should subject his wife to abuse of any kind, whether emotional, mental or physical. Such a reprehensible action would be the very antithesis of the relationship of mutual respect and equality enjoined by the Bahá'í writings — a relationship governed by the principles of consultation and devoid of the use of any form of abuse, including force, to compel obedience to one’s will."

Letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice, dated April 12, 1990, to a National Spiritual Assembly, in The Local Spiritual Assembly Handbook, 3rd ed., pp. 260-261

NO ONE SHOULD BE SUBJECTED TO TYRANNY

"From the pen of Bahá'u'lláh Himself has come the following statement on the subject of the treatment of women:

The friends of God must be adorned with the ornament of justice, equity, kindness and love. As they do not allow themselves to be the object of cruelty and transgression, in like manner they should not allow such tyranny to visit the handmaidens of God. He, verily, speaketh the truth and commandeth that which benefiteth His servants and handmaidens. He is the Protector of all in this world and the next.

No Bahá'í husband should ever beat his wife, or subject her to any form of cruel treatment; to do so would be an unacceptable abuse of the marriage relationship and contrary to the Teachings of Bahá'u'lláh."

Letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice, dated January 24, 1993, to an individual believer

Peace and prosperity every day

When times of tests come, my heart goes to this beach. Six years ago when I was experiencing domestic violence in my home and I finally asked for a separation, I had to go to my parents home in Juneau, Alaska as I waited for my husband to move out of our home.  It took 6 weeks. Six weeks of waiting.

This beach called to me. I sat here in my parents car in tears and saying prayers asking for help to save my marriage. I found serenity on this beach. A deep calm came to me. Was it the knowledge that the Longhouses once stood here?  Is it the energy of generations upon generations living their lives here on this beach?  From time immemorial is how our oral histories record.  

Tomorrow it will be two weeks since I sat on this beach for a couple hours. Flying to Anchorage was cheaper with a stop over in Juneau!  Picnicking with Thai take out with Mary and little William. I watched the sun come out and the clouds dance. I heard the echos of Tlingit songs. An eagle came by and I said Gunalcheesh. I asked the eagle to bring their family by to say hello and slowly watched 8 eagles come and soar in the high, high sky. A bit stunned when I realized there were 8 tiny specks flying above us.  

The water called to me. So I stuck my toes in. I was expecting the water to be freezing, but right near the edge was quite warm. We are taught the water can heal us.  I soaked up all the energy from the water. My feet were happy feet. 

When I was on that beach six years ago, I thought of the relatives that had been born on that beach, who delivered their children on that beach, who died on that beach.  Generations and generations praying and praising the Creator, God, Allah.  The One.  I thought of the historic trauma that has seized the world as we have lived through the birth pains of a global community being born.  And I knew our visionaries saw a time in the future when we would all live in peace and prosperity. 

I knew it was my job to create peace in my life today. So that the next generation could continue building peace until one day it is a reality on this blessed planet of ours. And the Creator's desire for us to live in peace has been fulfilled. When I was a teen I thought we could instantly agree to peace, but now I have learned peace is built every single day. Peace is built when we build justice in our lives every day.

The sun was warm when the forecast had been rain.  Mary says, "Leigh Anne comes to town and the sun comes out."  I laughed and replied, "I have good karma."  Chuckles. And I know my Ancestors cherish me. 

R U ready to be a Champion of Justice?

Champions of Justice.  This is what the Universal House of Justice (the international governing body of the Baha'is) asks us to be. What does champion mean?   Champion- someone who fights or speaks publicly in support of a person, belief, cause, etc. 

After my visit the other day and our sharing about what alcoholism and addiction is doing to our family and our friends, I have to say we as a Baha'i community could be doing more to support individuals, families and communities in their struggles. It is a law of our Faith to be alcohol and drug free. But what does that mean when we live in a society that alcoholism and addictions surround us? On some levels there is still great shame about these diseases as individuals struggle with Recovery and relapse. That's why AA is Alcoholics Anonymous.  Because there was in the past tremendous shame about these diseases. 

Living in Indian Country anonymous doesn't really work. In tiny Baha'i communities it doesn't work either. EVERYONE knows who is struggling. Everyone. Only in the past couple years as I have used Al-Anon in my life did it occur to me in my almost 40 years of being a Baha'i that never have I heard alcoholism or addiction formally discussed within a Baha'i community. Why is that?

As a person who comes from Indian Country where we are genetically predisposed to Addiction and where the consequences of historical trauma still are felt daily through Racism, poverty, violence, lack of access to education, it's a bit bewildering. How are we as Baha'is systematically assisting our own members who struggle with Alcoholism and Addiction?  Do we hide in shame? Are we paralyzed by guilt?  Do we somehow feel unworthy because our parent, sibling or child is an alcoholic or an addict? 

I have had Baha'i friends thank me privately for my writing about Al-Anon because they have loved ones who struggle. I think it is long over due that we as a community talk about alcoholism and addiction and what are ways we can help families today and what are some long term plans and goals to help families in 5 years, in 10 years. If we don't have a goal, we will NEVER achieve progress. 

Let's be Champions of Justice. Let's look to the Sacred Writings and find ways to help families. I heard some people respond with "let's pray for them". I say let's use the Revelation and Teachings of Baha'u'llah and our principle of the harmony of science and religion and begin to use some science along with our prayers. 

If you have a family member past or present struggling I challenge you to be a Champion of Justice. Find someone in your life to talk to about this need in our community and take some action. It could be to buy some Al-Anon books and keep them at Baha'i Feast. Or to keep a list of local meetings and phone meetings posted in a Baha'i space. 

There is absolutely no excuse for us not to be proactive in helping families. There is no place for denial, shame or guilt in our Baha'i community. We are here to help heal the world. And it's by being Champions and speaking up that we will change the world. 

Ferries, potholes, the mythic and the mystical.

Yesterday was an odd day.  Usually when I start a day off with a plan everything goes smoothly and I'm grateful for the insights and experiences I gain. But yesterday there seemed to be potholes, what I call those life events that can effect our day anywhere from having to swerve a little to avoid them or the ones that seem to swallow the car and kill a tire and take up the whole day.

My first pothole happened as I was running a little behind to catch the ferry to Seattle to go to the Seattle Art Museum library. As I was driving down the road in the steady rain,  I was debating whether or not if I had enough time to park my car and walk on or if I should just drive on, besides it was raining, really raining. The difference is about about $35, to park and walk on costs $20 to drive on and park in Seattle costs at least $55. So I decided I'd park and walk on.  Besides I had dressed for the rain, rain proof boots and my waterproof jacket, a little rain wouldn't hurt. 

As I turned into the parking lot it was completely full!  It took me a few moments to realize I'd never seen it this full in the two years I'd lived here and then I saw people walking with Mariners caps on.  So I decided to drive on the ferry, it was that or go home.  By the time I made it out of the parking lot full of other cars doing the same thing I was and got in line, the ferry was full. I was about 10 cars too late. If I hadn't decided to try to park, I would have made the 11:30 ferry. Darn!  So now I had an hour to kill.  

I would be on the 12:20 ferry.  It was a little disappointing, I was excited to go to the Seattle Art Museum library and research the Native Art in their permanent collection.   The library is only open to the public Wednesday-Friday 10-4 pm.  This would just shorten my time in the library after a quick appointment. (I've been searching for someone I like near home for eyebrow waxing, but haven't found one, so I go to Nordstrom Spa in the mean time. Chuckles.)  I'd arrive about 12:55 and I'd have 20 minutes to drive to my 1:15 appointment at 6th and Pine.  I called ahead to let them know I may run a few minutes behind. 

I've learned when my plans change unexpectedly to just shift gears, go with the flow and keep my head up looking for things I wouldn't see otherwise.  So I decided to walk to Blackbird Bakery (0.46 miles thanks to my watch/pedometer) to buy my favorite gluten free chocolate chip cookies. It was a nice walk in the rain. But I misjudged how long it would take me and I had to jog back to my car and jump in as people were waiting for me to load!  

Eek. I was only a few cars late. I felt bad, but not long ago I would have felt terrible guilt about making others wait for me.  And I do wish I could apologize. But I didn't let the guilt ruin my day or make me feel bad about myself. Life has taught me people make mistakes. And it's ok.  We can't be perfect. I try to be gracious when others make a mistake, but it takes a little more work to be as gracious with myself. I am constantly learning more skill not to put pressure on myself to be perfect, a terrible consequence of having a hero role in an unhealthy family system. 

I made my appointment with a few minutes to spare. And I arrived at the SAM library a little after 2 o'clock. I was just a bit shocked to see a sign on the door saying the library would be closed to the public on Wednesday July 23. I opened the door and went in while trying to figure out what day it was!  Realizing it was today.

Pot hole Number 2!  My first reaction was extreme disappointment. I'd been planning all week to go to the SAM library and begin research. It's no small thing to schedule a date, invest my day and the cost of travel to get into the City. I wasn't sure when I could come back.   Maybe Friday, but next Wednesday-Friday one of my closest friends is coming to visit and the week after that I'll be in Anchorage, so it could be in 3 weeks!  I have learned that rules can be slightly bent depending on who you talk to. I noticed someone sitting at a table reading and decided I would sit and read until someone showed up.

The first person I talked to (an employee with a badge) came in and didn't know the library was closed until reading the sign on the door. I told her my predicament, that I come in from Suquamish and it's not easy to get here and if she didn't mind I'd just read off the Modernism in the Pacific Northwest display shelf (no restacking necessary). She said she didn't see why not. 

I picked up a book, Tobey is 80: a Retrospective. I skimmed through the plates (pictures) of artwork and began to read. The foreword is by John Fuller the first director of the SAM. The essay accompanying the text is by Betty Bowen, who I only know through a grant in her name.  I have learned about John Fuller from my tour with Modernism in the Pacific Northwest : The Mythic and the Mystical.  He was instrumental in patronizing (does that work in this context? Lol) Mark Tobey. He bought Tobey's work throughout his career and during the Depression when artists were desperate for work.  

Betty Bowen writes, "The Pike Place Market, a colorful farmers' market in downtown Seattle, had always been "the heart of Seattle" to Tobey - a slice of the Kingdom of God, reflecting his Baha'i Faith in the oneness of all earth's creatures."  Reading about Mr. Tobey's love for the Pike Place Market and how he sees it as a slice of the Kingdom of God is such a precious moment for me.  To get to know an artist and his work who shares my same passions, to express himself and his perspective in this vast and miraculous world and that he loves the Teachings of Baha'u'llah, too.  

I don't know if I would have picked up this book if the library hadn't been closed. I was set on starting to read profiles on the Native Art pieces in the permanent collection, like the Íxt'i Xook Gwalaa/Emaciated Shaman Dagger or the Soul Catcher. Because it was closed I chose to spend my precious time in the library reading about Mark Tobey.  Baha'is believe there is an existence after death. Indians believe Ancestors and those in heaven have a direct impact on our lives.  In an exhibit The Mythic and the Mystical is it too much to wonder if Mark Tobey is sending a guiding light on my journey?  Lol.  What a life to choose, to be an artist is not an easy path.  To see his body of work reviewed when he was 80 years old!  I guess it reminds me that we should follow our passions. We have our whole life ahead of us. I have 40 years left until I turn 80, plenty of time to follow my dreams. 

And just to speak on Synchronicity once more. After finishing at the library I was feeling a little light headed. So I went down to Taste to eat. And decided to catch a ferry home immediately after. It took forever to move a few blocks on 2nd Avenue to get to Madison to head to the ferry. I imagined getting to the ferry line and waiting for a ferry or two, like I did not too long ago. As I inched down 2nd avenue at 5 o'clock I wasn't sure when I'd get home. But as I drove through the ferry ticketing I was thoroughly surprised when he said we'll try to load you on the 5:30, we're still loading. Chuckles. I was the 3rd to the last car.  Sometimes you are meant to catch the ferry and sometimes you just aren't. Chuckles.

Peace in my heart. Prosperity in my home.

Peace and prosperity. That is my goal.  To live in peace and prosperity. I grew up pretty poor.  I just didn't realize it for a long time. And I didn't know that my parents had grown up with way less than I did and both struggled with hunger as children.  My grandparents were also poor as children. My Great Grandmother Susie told my mother growing up that we were from nobility. So at some point my family did experience prosperity. And I interpret that to mean enough food, a home, and the basics needed to survive and to thrive.

As you know I've been thinking about what peace and prosperity means to me in a world bombarded by materialism and the cancer of consumerism while at the same time children across the globe don't have enough food to eat or schools to go to.  Yes, there are hungry kids in our hometowns and college is so expensive it seems like indentured service.  Be the change you want to see in the world.  I guess for me it really starts in my heart, in my home.

This Fall it will be 6 years since when I had to make a life changing decision to choose Peace. It was a challenge to walk away from an illusion of financial security, one that I had just invested 8 years of my life in.  Surviving my spouse being absent for 8 years in medical school and residency, while I was raising our children was the hardest challenge I'd ever been given.  The promise of a future with financial security and freedom got me through those difficult years. 

To realize at the end I had to cut my losses and walk away was very difficult. I walked away without a home, without my education being finished, and with the majority of the responsibility of caring for my daughters and a very unsure financial future.  As I prayed about it, to leave a marriage that was sick and was hurting all of us, including him, and to begin a path of being solely responsible in sheltering my precious daughters, I was anxious. But as I prayed I was sent a message that the Creator is the Ultimate Provider. That as I chose peace in my home, that I chose to model peace for my girls, the Creator would send what we needed. 

Every morning waking in a home free from violence is a precious gift. I had lived in an unsafe home for so long, I had slowly, over the years become some version of myself that could survive in that environment. The real me, seemed to be hidden away somewhere. The last 6 years have been a journey of letting my true self out of where she had hidden.  I have sheltered my dear sweet girls alone. Yes, their father contributes financially and for that I am grateful to the Creator, but the work that raising two girls require demands quite a lot from me.  

I live in peace. I live in a home where each of us is respected, loved and cherished. Not where one person unfairly dominates all the others. I live in a home where we praise and encourage each other, not criticize and blame.  I live in a home where we encourage each other to try new things, not fear mistakes or fear the consequences of violence for making a mistake. 

So I have built peace in my life. Building prosperity is a little trickier. What do I think prosperity is?  Is it home ownership? An college education? A good job?  Chuckles. Well, I have to think a little creatively. For now prosperity means being able to feed my girls, give them a safe home and to help them thrive and become the best human beings they have the potential to become. College, a job and home ownership will come down the road. 

My time on the Canoe Journey and in Bella Bella reminded me just how wealthy I am. The spiritual values I was raised with in the Indian Community and through my family's Faith cannot be bought. We are One Human Family. All we have, has been given to us by the Creator in stewardship for our future generations.  By honoring and respecting ourselves and our Communities, we build peace and healthy ways of life. Love is what heals the heart. One heart at a time we will build world peace. We will build a world of prosperity. 

"O My Servant!  

     The best of men are they that earn a livelihood by their calling and spend upon themselves and upon their kindred for the love of God, The Lord of all the worlds." - Baha'u'llah 

At.óow, Sacred Objects, the Spirit Within and listening to the Ancestors speak to me...

And the story continues...

     Yesterday I was looking for something in the living room, and while I was searching, a book on the shelf caught my eye, the Spirit Within.  I literally laughed out. I have been thinking about buying this book for a while and just looked on Amazon the day before.  I hadn't realized it was in my Mom's collection!  On my short visit to the Seattle Art Museum on Friday, I bought another book, Tangible Visions, Northwest Coast Indian Shamanism and It's Art, because I couldn't find The Spirit Within.  

    The Spirit Within was published by the SAM in 1995 (and it's out of print) on its Northwest Coast Native American galleries.  As I opened up the book, I opened to a section from Nora Marks Dauenhauer on at.óow.  She  explains different aspects of the at.óow, and this passage hit home.

 " For example, a member of the Lukaax.ádi clan from Haines will know and recognize the Íxt'i Xook Gwalaa (Emaciated Shaman Dagger) as our at.óow, with our shuká and shagóon, our past and our future, on it.  We also know that the name Saayina.aat is still carried by one of our women.  If the dagger were still in the family, the women of the Lukaax.ádi as well as anyone connected to it by genealogy,  whether Eagle or Raven, would give or be given spiritual strength and well-being by seeing it, especially in ritual display.  As it is now, the spiritual connection is absent from the clan of its origin, along with the spiritual well-being it once provided.  This is the importance of our art and our at.óow."  P. 23

     This understanding that sacred objects owned by Clans, passed down through generations of guardians, only brought out on special occasions, are believed to give spiritual strength and well-being to descendants of the Clan by seeing it explains a lot to me.  When I first visited the Seattle Art Museum in August 2012, I was immediately drawn to the Tlingit and Tsimshian pieces.  I posted photos of a Tsimshian Soul Catcher, a Klukwan Frog housescreen and a brown Bear Staff from Angoon.  Every time I visit the SAM, I try to walk through the Native Art galleries.  To me it's like visiting family heirlooms. They flame a sense of honor and nobility within my heart. That the People I am descended from were such Master artists gives me a strong sense of pride. I know these objects were collected and sent to museums across the globe.  Our Art is cherished by Art lovers throughout the world.

     

    This explanation of the role these sacred objects play in our lives tells me why my heart longs to see these objects. They have for generations been a part of our spiritual lives. Now the Western trained part of my mind may question how can this be?  How can objects give spiritual strength and well-being?  But the Indian trained part of my mind also knows that the Universe includes spiritual, mystic forces that defy Western beliefs.  Every time I see these objects and the other Tlingit and Tsimshian objects in the SAM, my heart is happy and I feel stronger.

     Now thinking more on the mystical side is it possible these at.óow also long to see me?  After being in close company of our Clans for generations, to be housed so far from home and far from their Clans, to be visited by a descendent and to be talked to with love and endearments?  I hope so!  Or maybe it is the joy of the Ancestors I can feel, that their cherished objects are being visited by a descendant and whispered words of Tlingit.  

     I am ending with a prayer that I turn to when I need strength and well-being. In it describes the connection we have with those in the Next World and the powers of the spiritual realm that can be given to us. 

      O LORD! Help this daughter of the Kingdom to be exalted in both worlds; cause her to turn away from this mortal world of dust and from those who have set their hearts thereon and enable her to have communion and close association with the world of immortality. Give her heavenly power and strengthen her through the breaths of the Holy Spirit that she may arise to serve Thee. Thou art the Mighty One. - 'Abdu'l-Baha

My Passion for Art & Indian Country and the Blessings sent by my Ancestors

     If I thought I couldn't find words to describe the last couple weeks and all the amazing experiences I've had, I am truly stunned by what took place yesterday.  Starting with watching Celebration online, spending two nights in Seattle with my girls on a lovely stay-cation, witnessing the Suquamish Tribe's Ceremony to honor the Killer Whales, seeing the Suquamish Canoes depart for a 500 mile 3 week trip to Bella Bella, hearing the power of amazing drums at the Muckleshoot pow wow and visiting an exhibit of art based on Social Justice by Latoya Ruby Frazier at the SAM.         

     Watching Celebration online for 3 days actually left me feeling high.  Hearing Tlingit spoken, listening to stories of songs and stories of our history that are generations old, seeing so many children speaking Tlingit, and witnessing the wealth of our Peoples made my heart so happy.  I am so grateful I took Tlingit language in college, because now I have some hope of understanding what is being shared, even a tiny bit.  When I watched how much wisdom and knowledge our Peoples possess, I was confident that it is only a matter of time when we reach a point of healing historical trauma that enables us to quickly rebuild our Communities. 

     Witnessing Suquamish's powerful and eloquent honoring of the visits of the killer whales again was a symbol of strength, true wealth and healing of historic trauma. Knowing that Indian dancing and ceremonies were at one time illegal and today we are reviving these Ancient and Sacred traditions, it heals an injury that hurt our preceding generations. The absence of our language, our songs and dances Robert Davidson eloquently carved in We Were Once Silenced.  We have had to slowly research and rebuild, our language, our songs and dances, our Art.

     Listening to the drums at the Muckleshoot Pow Wow is hard to describe.  But the power of the drums vibrate throughout your body.  My heart feels like it expands and a good song can transport you to another dimension.  Time can seem to stop. Seeing the dancers always leaves me amazed. Their strength and agility is magnificent. The Regalia always blows my mind, the sheer volume of talented artists and designers is incredible. Is there another group of people on Earth producing this much artwork simultaneously?

     These three events are proof that we in Indian Country are truly healing the historic trauma we have experienced since our Homelands have been invaded.  Our land, our ways of subsistence, our children and our way of life have all been stolen along this dark path. But we have survived. We self medicate the theft, poverty, racism, violence and grief and now have to deal with consequences of multi-generational addiction.  But even as we still feel the pain of the dark path, the bright Sun of a New Day is dawning. If you look closely you can see the re-birth of Sacred Traditions that heal and bring both prosperity and peace. When Indian Country heals so does the whole human family.

     Robert Davidson shares in the video accompanying Abstract Impulse that the Art, Songs, Dances, Language and Ceremonies are all interwoven. You cannot separate them.  In Tlingit the idea of At.woo from my understanding is objects become so Sacred that they not only represent the Ancestors, but it is believed they are the Ancestors. They are treated with the highest regard and kept safe, our precious treasures.

     So yesterday, Gunalcheesch to the Creator of the Universe and the Ancestors, I was in the presence of so many At.woo that I cannot describe it.  I believe in Synchronicity, that I will be exactly where I am meant to be when I am meant to be. So last Tuesday after a long full 3 days of fun-filled days in the Big City I was debating whether or not I could pull myself together for the Suquamish dinner for the Canoe Journey. I didn't even realize that there was a Ceremony planned, too.  After the honoring of the Killer Whales (my clan by the way, wink), I met Sven from the Burke Museum. He  invited me to come visit. I immediately, that night, emailed and we began discussing a good time for both of us.

     I didn't realized his invitation meant visiting the storage facility at the Burke.  As soon as he brought me in I was stunned by the number of bentwood boxes in front of me.  I recognized the age and period of some of the pieces from the SAM and the catalog of Abstract Impulse.  He and his colleague, Justin, were talking to me and my brain was completely at max capacity. I was trying to look at the precious treasure in front of me AND discern what they were saying. After I understood I was allowed to take pictures, I took photos of nine objects. The Sacred objects are stored in sliding shelves, huge ones, and I can't even remember all of the pieces I saw. It's a blur.  As each shelve was moved and a new shelf was accessed my brain seemed to slow down more and more!

     All day afterwards I felt like I was recovering from shock, not quite fully present. I immediately texted my Mom and sisters to tell them what happened. I called my Dad.  And this morning, I'm still processing one of the most wonderful blessings I have experienced in my life.  My personal journey of flaming my passion for Art and especially Art in Indian Country seems to have arrived at a new level.